When You’re Truly Broken Over Sin

Repentance is hard because pridefulness is easy. We don’t want to admit when we have sinned, and thus we have trouble truly confessing and then repenting of sin. How often have the words Yes, but . . . entered your thoughts when you have been confronted over sin?

Sin, however, cannot be dealt with in any other way but head on, without any self-justifying excuses. We need to address it directly, with full honesty and little reservation, if we are to truly kill it.

Depending on the sin, some of the necessary steps of repentance will require visible, tangible expression. Of course, we can’t literally look God in the eyes to show that we are being authentic in our repentance. However I am beginning to believe that if, for example, someone seems largely perfunctory and academic when confessing a sin like, say, watching pornography, then he is probably not yet ready for repentance. 

Visible Expression

So what does an authentic, visible expression of repentance mean practically? I hesitate at this point to elaborate because my words can easily be taken in a wrong, legalistic way. Yet it still seems worth saying that if we are to truly overturn sinful habits in our lives we must be willing to engage in at least some kind of "sackcloth and ashes" type of repentance.

Contrast for instance David's response when confronted with his sin by Nathan versus Saul's response when confronted with his sin by Samuel. David was bluntly honest, emotional, and submissive. He was literally and metaphorically on his knees almost immediately, with no excuse-making or bargaining. Saul on the other hand said he was sorry and at the same time tried to downplay his disobedience of God’s direct command. He was more eager to move on and get back to ministry with Samuel than to do the hard work of repentance ("Now therefore [Samuel], please pardon my sin and return with me that I may bow before the Lord." 1 Samuel 15:25).

Again, this article can easily be taken in a misleading way. It's dangerous for anyone to begin saying he doen’t think someone else has truly repented because he hasn't cried enough or said the exact right words. Traveling down that road will lead to the kind of phony dramatics you might see on the latest reality show.

Right Direction

Nevertheless I still think we must explore what true confession and repentance might actually look and sound like. So, for example, I can tell that someone is on the right track when he stops spending most of their time trying to get me to understand why and how he's sinned. There are only so many variations of “I was tired” or “I wasn’t thinking” or “(Fill in the name) is why I messed up.” This kind of confession and repentance looks and sounds like “I’m trying to self-justify through blamecasting and empathic appeal.” If you hear anything along those lines you can know for sure the person is not yet pointed in the right direction.

In a recent meeting, however, I saw someone headed in the right direction. He showed real disgust over his sin. Such repentant believers describe their sin in worse terms than even you might use. They offer no excuses for sin. They don’t mention or blame anyone else in relation to their sin. They freely admit that they are in a severely broken relationship with God and are now eager, passionate—even desperate—to get right with him.

Getting to that point requires regular and humble examination to see the extent of our sin. For if we are to help each other really untangle especially entangling sin from our lives, we will have to go deep and far.

Such examination will always be hard work. We will need to help one another see that sin is not just a “struggle” or a bad habit; instead, in our conversations and prayers, we must refer to sin as the Bible does—rebellion against the Lord God. We must not just be sorry about our sin but be completely shattered by our sin. Your spirit must be broken before you can get a new spirit (Ps. 51:10,17). Fortunately, the new spirit God creates in us is so clean and good and right, we will wonder why we were so stubbornly resistant to fully confessing and repenting of our sin in the first place. 

Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction: Science Shows How Porn Harms Us

Recent research is telling us a lot about the brain when it comes to watching porn.

Over a decade ago, Dr. Judith Reisman called porn an “erototoxin,” theorizing that the brain itself might be damagedwhile watching porn. She speculated that future brain studies would reveal that the surge of neurochemicals and hormones released when someone watches porn has measurably negative effects on the brain.

Recent studies are validating her theory about brain chemicals and porn addiction.

What Brain Scans Tell Us

Cambridge Neuropsychiatrist Valerie Voon was featured last year in the UK documentary Porn on the Brain. Her research demonstrates that the brains of habitual porn users show great similarity to the brains of alcoholics. A brain structure called the ventral striatum plays a significant role in the reward system of the brain—the pleasure pathways. It is the same part of the brain that “lights up” when an alcoholic sees a picture of a drink.

Dr. William Struthers, author of Wired for Intimacy, sounds a similar alarm, teaching that viewing pornography and masturbating actually weakens the region of our brain known as the cingulate cortex—the region that is responsible for moral and ethical decision making and willpower.

The Brain Chemicals of Sex

In The Porn Circuit, Sam Black describes the various hormones and neurotransmitters involved when someone views porn and how each ingredient in this neuro-cocktail contributes to the problem:

• When having sex or watching porn, dopamine is released into a region of the brain responsible for emotion and learning, giving the viewer a sense of sharp focus and a sense of craving: “I have got to have this thing; this is what I need right now.” It supplies a great sense of pleasure. The next time the viewer gets the “itch” for more sexual pleasure, small packets of dopamine are released in the brain telling the user: “Remember where you got your fix last time. Go there to get it.”
• Norepinephrine is also released, creating alertness and focus. It is the brain’s version of adrenaline. It tells the brain, “Something is about to happen, and we need to get ready for it.”
• Sex or porn also trigger the release of oxytocin and vasopressin. These hormones help to lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave him or her the sexual pleasure.
• The body releases endorphins, natural opiates that create a “high,” a wave of pleasure over the whole body.
• After sexual release serotonin levels also change, bringing a sense of calm and relaxation.

This system works the way it is supposed to work when you’re having sex with your spouse. Together you can experience a high, an alertness of sexual pleasure, and the deep calm afterwards (norepinephrine, endorphins, and serotonin). With each sexual embrace you are emotionally bonding to this person (oxytocin and vasopressin). Over time a craving for sex is transformed into a desire for one another (dopamine).

But short-circuits the system.

 

(Download The Porn Circuit for free.)

How Porn Hijacks the System

Multiple problems happen when porn is used. First, instead of forming a deep connection to a person, your brain ends up “bonding” to a pornographic experience. Your brain remembers where the sexual high was experienced, and each time you desire sexual stimulation, you feel a sharp sense of focus: I’ve got to go back to the porn.

In addition, pornography gives the brain an unnatural high. In a recent TEDx talk, physiology teacher Gary Wilson explained that when men look at porn, they experience surge after surge of dopamine in the brain. The brain eventually fatigues, stopping the production of dopamine, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. As a result, everyday pleasures stop causing excitement and the viewer seeks out more novel, more intense pornography to get the same high as before.

This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.