The Attraction of Imperfection

 

We all know people who seem to be good at everything. Sports, music, math—they seem to have the ability and aptitude to do it all. But before we make assumptions about how far their accomplishments can carry them, or how great their lives must be, consider how other people respond to them. There is a big difference between admiration and affection; between awe and acceptance. And there is nothing that assures us that someone’s talent makes them trustworthy. In fact, when it comes to interpersonal attraction, research indicates we might be more inclined to accept the imperfect.

The Attractiveness of Imperfection

Jia Wei Zhang et al. (2020) found that the way we accept others stems from the way we accept ourselves. Studying the link between self-compassion and acceptance, they found that an increasing acceptance of one’s own imperfections increases the acceptance of the imperfections of others, including romantic partners.[i] 

Beyond acceptance, some people are actually drawn to others who are less than perfect. There is an element of relatability that we feel toward others who, like us, leave something to be desired in one or more categories. Physical or financial, graceful or gracious—no one is perfect. Someone might have two left feet on the dance floor, but always be willing to lend a helping hand. They might not have a silver tongue, but discerning taste. Good talkers are not always great listeners. Many people compensate for deficiencies by capitalizing on other traits that are encouraging and endearing. 

When Talent Takes a Tumble

There is mixed opinion on the significance of social gaffes and blunders, sometimes referred to as the Pratfall Effect. Elliott Aronson et al. (1966) conducted research decades ago[ii] that demonstrated how the attractiveness of a “superior person” is increased by a clumsy blunder, while the same blunder tends to reduce the attractiveness of a person who is only deemed “mediocre.” They predicted these results by speculating that superior people may be viewed as superhuman and thus humanized by a blunder, which increases perceived attractiveness.

Almost 40 years later, Jeanne Weaver et al. (2002) sought to explore the reliability of the Pratfall Effect[iii] through an experiment investigating the impact of competence, gender, and a pratfall on interpersonal attractiveness, i.e. likability. Using a format in which participants listened to audiotaped conversations, they found that competent persons were perceived as more likable, and women more likable than men, but found no evidence of a pratfall effect—which they note that, in combination with a critical review of previous literature, generates significant questions about generality and robustness of the phenomenon.

Emotion and Imperfection

Some research indicates a potential relationship between emotion and imperfection. Anca M. Miron et al. (2009) studied the impact of partner flaws and qualities on romantic relationships.[iv] Consistent with Emotional Intensity Theory, they found, among other things, that positive affect toward a romantic partner was decreased by a minor significant flaw; maintained as intense by a flaw that was moderately important; and decreased by a very important flaw. 

One thing we can learn from the research is that imperfection is not necessarily a turnoff; it can actually be something that attracts us through recognizing shared humanity. Tempering impressions through emotion both about ourselves and others will help us make educated, discerning decisions interpersonally about when and under what circumstances to embrace partner imperfection.

References

[i] Zhang, Jia Wei, Serena Chen, and Teodora K. Tomova Shakur. 2020. “From Me to You: Self-Compassion Predicts Acceptance of Own and Others’ Imperfections.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 46 (2): 228–42. doi:10.1177/0146167219853846.

[ii] Aronson, Elliot, Ben Willerman, and Joanne Floyd. 1966. “The Effect of a Pratfall on Increasing Interpersonal Attractiveness.” Psychonomic Science 4 (6): 227–28. doi:10.3758/BF03342263.

[iii] Weaver, Jeanne, Randy Fisher, and Karen Ehney. 2002. “In Search of the ‘Pratfall Effect’: How General and Reliable Is This Phenomenon?” Representative Research in Social Psychology 26: 34–43. https://search-ebscohost-com.libproxy.sdsu.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&d….

[iv] Miron, Anca M., David Knepfel, and Sarah K. Parkinson. 2009. “The Surprising Effect of Partner Flaws and Qualities on Romantic Affect.” Motivation and Emotion 33 (3): 261–76. doi:10.1007/s11031-009-9138-0.

Coping with Anger: Does Venting Really Help?

 anger is generally a secondary emotion underneath which we protect more vulnerable feelings, such as sadness, hurt, fear, or jealousy. In my story, my conscious mind worked in reverse of my unconscious reaction; I was aware of experiencing physical pain and was able to piece together what must have happened only after I felt enraged at the stranger. My anger, despite being a secondary reaction, was powerful enough to obscure my primary feelings as well as the likely facts of the situation at hand (e.g., that I had been burned by a cigarette, that the smoker was drunk, and that the harm was accidental and would not continue). 

A second, related truth about anger is that it has evolved to help us stay safe. It's an activating "fight" response that is meant to ward off threats to ourselves or to others we are trying to protect. In the modern world, we experience anger not only when confronted with actual threats or harm, but also when we encounter perceived or imagined threats. Our interpretation of situations is a highly important determinant of emotional reactions in general, and this may be especially true for a powerful and activating emotion like anger.

From an evolutionary standpoint, negative interpretations of others' intentions were likely adaptive in many survival situations. If an early human saw someone else approaching with a large stick, the interpretation that harm was intended could be life-saving. We may be hardwired to have a tendency to attribute negative intent to others' actions when lacking complete information. For some people, negative interpretations and resulting anger is a daily experience that can destabilize personal connections and be intensely psychologically draining.

How Can We Cope with Anger?

These cognitive-behavioral tips for coping with anger may help:

1. Be careful about venting.

Research shows that unless venting is paired with a new interpretation of the angering event, it can be a way to actually rehearse anger, and thus make it more present and powerful (Murray, 1995). In the example of my having been burned by a cigarette, I could have interpreted the injury as having been intentionally inflicted. Venting to my friend might have felt validating and supportive, but it only would have decreased my anger had she been able to help me see that the burn was accidental.

A literature review of the expression of more general negative emotions including anger, grief, and reactions to trauma suggested something similar. It appears that emotional expression is only adaptive if it offers some resolution regarding the source and significance of the distress. This resolution may be greater self-understanding or self-acceptance regarding our own actions and reactions, or an improvement in social relationships through problem-solving (Kennedy-Moore and Watson, 2001).

2. In line with the concept of new interpretations, try to identify and challenge thought patterns that are associated with your anger. 

Examples of angry interpretations include, "I'm being disregarded or taken advantage of," "My needs are being ignored," or "Other people are lazy, controlling, incompetent, or selfish." It can be helpful to identify alternative explanations for what happened, even if you don’t find them believable initially. You might try to employ thought records or other cognitive tools to help you reduce the sense of threat and feel safer.

3. Beware of physical aggressiontoward objects. 

Similar to verbal venting, "cathartic" aggressive behaviors like hitting a pillow or punching bag or throwing objects can have the opposite of the desired effect (Bushman, 2002). These actions increase adrenaline (a "fight/flight" hormone) and can be a way of reinforcing an association between anger and violence.

4. Do what you can to reduce physical activation and demonstrate a sense of calm even before you feel it. 

Deep breathing, walking, stretching and muscle relaxation may help. Relaxing your face into a calm expression can be surprisingly effective; some older research demonstrates that our own facial expressions influence emotional experience (e.g., Laird, 1974). A calm body gives rise to a calmer mind.

5. Resist the sense of urgency that is often associated with anger and allow yourself time to respond rather than to simply react. 

Angry feelings make us want to react immediately and impulsively when the more skillful method is often to take some time to respond in a considered way. Take a break and delay action to give yourself the best chance of responding in a way that aligns with your values.

An Exercise for Coping with Anger

Can you identify common themes for your anger, particularly thought patterns? When have you managed anger in a way that felt effective and values-consistent, and how were you able to respond that way? Is there a specific tool that you are willing to try the next time you feel angry?

References

Bushman, B.J. (2002). Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger and aggressive responding. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6), 724-731.

Kennedy-Moore, E., & Watson, J.C. (2001). How and when does emotional expression help? Review of General Psychology, 5(3), 187-212.

Laird, J. D. (1974). Self-attribution of emotion: The effects of expressive behavior on the quality of emotional experience. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 29, 475-486.

Kate Gapinski Ph.D.

Porn Rampant In The Church

According to a survey conducted by the Barna Group in the U.S. in 2014:

64% of self-identified Christian men and 15% of self-identified Christian women view pornography at least once a month (compared to 65% of non-Christian men and 30% of non-Christian women).  

37% of Christian men and 7% of Christian women view pornography at least several times a week (compared to 42% of non-Christian men and 11% of non-Christian women).

39% of Christian men and 13% of Christian women say they believe their use of pornography is “excessive” (compared to 19% of non-Christian men and 12% of non-Christian women).  

21% of Christian men and 2% of Christian women say they think they might be “addicted” to pornography or aren’t sure if they are (compared to 10% of non- Christian men and 4% of non-Christian women).  

28% of Christian men and 11% of Christian women say they were first exposed to pornography before the age of 12 (compared to 23% of non-Christian men and 24% of non-Christian women).

How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps

The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.

Secondly, you have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep quitting the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To quit, you have to give up what you’ve  been doing and do what you have to do.

Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start, some you have to clean house regularly.

The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head in a minute you could block entry points.

Finally, get accountable to a man on a daily basis about your porn usage. Make a call a day and a commitment to call this person before you even consider looking at porn. People who set consequences for porn relapse do better. Seriously, if you look at porn, set a consequence. Some guys run laps, give money to the political party they don’t vote for, do leg lunges for a half mile, give up some privilege or just pick up trash on the highway for a few hours.

You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn free.

Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married. She is in pain because of your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve the best man you can be. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.

Written by Douglas Weiss, Ph.D.

Great Resources For Husbands and Wives Dealing With The Affect Of Porn

 Below are some of our best, most-popular resources.

Is Your Husband Addicted?

10 Signs of Porn Addiction: Do these describe your husband? – “If you suspect something about your husband, here are some telltale signs of porn addiction.”

Understanding How Porn is Harming Your Husband

Brain Chemicals and Porn Addiction: Science Shows How Porn Harms Us – “This imbalance in the brain leads to many problems: impotence with your spouse, frequent masturbation with very little satisfaction, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation, inability to concentrate, and escalating tastes for more bizarre or novel porn.”

Why Marital Sex is Better than Porn – “Pornographers want people to believe that viewing porn is harmless entertainment and that it can even spice up one’s love life, but the opposite is true. Rather than encouraging intimacy, research shows that porn steals it away.”

Combatting the Lies About Porn

7 Questions Wives of Porn Addicts Often Ask – (1) How can my husband love me and look at porn when he knows it hurts me? (2) Why does my husband prefer porn and masturbation to sex with me? (3) Why am I not enough if I am sexually available to him? (4) He says he looks at porn because I don’t have sex with him enough, am not pretty enough, am too fat, etc. What can I do? (5) My husband says all men do it. Am I making too big a deal out of this? (6) My husband refuses to get help or admit this is a problem. How can I make him stop? What are the risks if he doesn’t stop? (7) Is there hope? Can a man like this change?

5 Lies I Believed When My Husband Was Watching Porn – “The women in pornography don’t require anything of the participant. It is a very one sided act. Therefore, if I try making our life all about my husband and leave my needs at the door, he won’t need pornography anymore.”

Husbands Who Watch Porn: Wives Are Asking, “What’s wrong with me?” – “If you are a woman married to a man who compulsively uses pornography, one of the best things you can do for yourself is acknowledge that you are not the root of the problem.”

Helping Your Husband Understand Your Feelings

Straight Talk to Husbands Who Watch Porn – “Pornography doesn’t teach men to serve, honor, and cherish their wives in a way that fosters romance. Pornography trains men to be consumers, to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order.”

Is Porn the Same as Adultery? – “A wife needs to know—not merely by her husband’s words, but by his behavior—that his mind is completely devoted to her.”

Practical Steps to Take in the Beginning

Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives – This free e-book will help you begin to answer some of the big questions: Why does he look at porn? Is this my fault? Is our marriage over? You’ll also learn some practical tips for bringing healing and reconciliation to your relationship: communicating productively, setting boundaries for tough love, and finding intensive counseling to help him stop.

Download The E-Book For Free! 

7 Steps After You Discover Your Husband Looks at Other Women Online – “What is a Christian wife to do when she discovers her husband is into pornography?”

Setting Boundaries with Your Porn Addict Husband – “Boundaries are limits and precedents that you establish to let your husband know what is a reasonable way for him to behave so he can regain your trust over time.”

Should Married Couples Fast from Sex During Porn-Detox? – “For many Christian counselors, this abstinence period is recommended as a time to intentionally de-throne the idol of sexual gratification.”

For Husbands: Practical Steps to Earn Your Wife’s Trust

Husbands Who Watch Porn: 12 Ways to Reassure Your Wife – “Some men go so far as to blame their wives for their porn problems. If this is you, grow up and take responsibility for yourself. You are not merely a helpless victim of your sexual passions.”

What Every Wife of a Sex Addict Has a Right to Know About Her Husband’s Recovery – “One way you can make your relationship with your wife go a little more smoothly is to keep her informed of what your recovery looks like and even allow her to be involved.”

Stories of Hope

Hope After Porn – This free e-book In this free e-book, features stories from four women who have personally known the devastation pornography can cause in a marriage. They give readers a glimpse of the betrayal, the hurt, and the choices they made to try and make a difference.

proved that porn is literally making men’s brains more childish. Seriously.

Two hundred years ago in the U.K., if you said you were going to a “gentleman’s club,” it was understood you were going to a private upper-class establishment where you could relax, read, play parlor games, get a meal, and gossip with others of your class. Today, in the U.S., if you said you were going to a “gentleman’s club,” it is assumed you will be paying to see a striptease in a low-lit bar.

Is this really what should typify a “gentleman”?

Pornography is often classified, along with other sexually oriented businesses, as “adult” entertainment—something for “mature” audiences. If this meant that these kinds of entertainment are “not suitable for children” then few would protest.

The very thing in the brain that is the mark of adulthood and maturity is the thing that is eroded as we view more porn. It is as if the brain is reverting, becoming more childlike. “Adult” entertainment is actually making us more juvenile.

That said, it would be foolish to use this as an argument that pornography is suitable for adults. Heroin and methamphetamines are also “not suitable for children,” but this does not mean, ipso facto, that they are healthy for those over the age of 18.

Porn advocates are fond of saying (“fond” is an understatement—they repeat it like a mantra) that pornography is sophisticated, mature entertainment suitable for responsible adults. Porn, they will have you believe, is what true gentlemen appreciate—like blue cheese, good scotch, and Dostoyevsky. As the infamous Ron Jeremy is quick to say: “Pornography is consensual sex between consenting adults, to be watched by consenting adults."

Which leads us to ask: What exactly constitutes “adult” or “mature” behavior? Is it merely a commentary on the age of the participant? Or is it about something more? Stipulating proper definitions is complicated because today these terms are so often used as synonyms for erotic media—which is the very topic we’re trying to dissect.

One way we use the term “mature” is when talking about reaching a final or desired state. We speak of “mature wine” as wine that has reached its peak fermentation and is ready to be consumed. We also use the word “mature” to speak of someone who has “grown up” in his or her behaviors and attitudes—they don’t display the impetuousness and naivety of youth. This is clearly what the patrons of strip clubs are doing by calling these establishments “gentlemen’s clubs”: they are insinuating that the activities that go on are part of manly, refined behaviors.

Dopamine and the brain

Ask any neuroscientist what a “mature” human brain looks like, and he or she will likely talk to you about a region of the brain known as the prefrontal cortex. It is located directly behind the forehead and serves as the managerial center of the brain. It is responsible for our willpower, regulating our behavior, and making decisions based on wisdom and principles. When emotions, impulses, and urges surge from the midbrain, the lobes in the prefrontal cortex are there to exercise “executive control” over them. By the age of 25, this region of the brain reaches maturity, meaning that our thinking becomes more sophisticated and we can regulate our emotions more easily.

Why bring neuroscience into the equation? Because fascinating research is being done looking at the impact of viewing porn on this region of the brain.

The brain is designed in such a way to respond to sexual stimulation. Surges of dopamine are released during a sexual encounter—and yes, also pornographic encounters—giving the person a sharp sense of focus and an awareness of sexual craving. Dopamine helps to lay down memories in the brain, so the next time a man or woman is in the mood, the brain remembers where to return to experience the same pleasure: whether that be a loving spouse or the laptop in the den.

However, scientists are now seeing that continued exposure to porn gives the brain an unnatural high—something it literally isn’t wired to handle—and the brain eventually fatigues. Anatomy and physiology instructor Gary Wilson notes this is the same pattern noticed when drugs are abused: the brain becomes desensitized. More of the drug or harder drugs are needed to get the same high, and the downward spiral begins. Wilson says this brings about significant changes in the brain—both for drug abusers and porn users.

One of those changes is the erosion of the prefrontal cortex—that all-important center of executive control. When this region of the brain is weakened, when the craving for porn hits, there is very little willpower present to regulate the desire. Neuroscientists call this problem hypofrontality, where the person slowly loses impulse control and the mastery of his or her passions.

The point is this: The very thing in the brain that is the mark of adulthood and maturity is the thing that is eroded as we view more porn. It is as if the brain is reverting, becoming more childlike. “Adult” entertainment is actually making us more juvenile.

Hugh Hefner's brilliant lie

The attempt to make sexual deviancy appear gentlemanly seems to me to be nothing more than the attempt of weak men to justify shameful behavior. Since the very first issue of Playboy hit the magazine racks in 1953, Hugh Hefner’s strategy was two-fold: to distributors he would market the magazine as soft-core porn, but to the target audience he would market it as a men’s “lifestyle magazine” for upwardly mobile men. Sociologist Gail Dines explains how Playboy marketed itself, thus beginning the cultural change of porn’s public image:

“[W]hen the editors addressed the reader, the pictures were just one of many attractions, rather than the attraction. The reader was invited not to masturbate to the centerfold but rather to enter the world of the cultural elite, to discuss philosophy and consume food associated with the upper middle class…The markers of upper-class life, which appear causally thrown in as afterthoughts (cocktails, hors d’oeurves, and Picasso), were deliberately placed to cloak the magazine in an aura of upper-middle class respectability.”

Just as sure as Playboy would have died without the naked women lining its pages, it also would have died without its articles and advertisements, which gave permission to the self-defined middle-class American male to indulge in porn.

Why is it that Adult stores offer back entrances? Is it because their clientele are misunderstood revolutionaries who are plotting the demise of a sexually repressed society? Or is it much simpler than that? Is it because they know that such behavior is wrong?

When one considers the options, which activity sounds more “mature” and grown-up: Making love for a lifetime to one real flesh-and-blood woman whom you are eagerly serving and cherishing, despite all her faults and blemishes (and despite your own), or sneaking away at night to troll the Internet, flipping from woman to woman, from one 30 second teaser to another, for hours on end, pleasuring yourself as you bond to pixels on a screen?

No, indulging pornographic media and other forms of commercial sex are hardly befitting of the adjective “adult.” Actions speak louder than words—even when those words are five feet high, neon, and constitute the phrase “gentlemen's club.”

Why Sexual Narcissists Make Unfaithful Partners

New research into why some partners are prone to stray

The excessive self-focus and entitlement we associate with narcissism would seem to predispose people high on this trait to think only of meeting their own needs in a relationship. The minute they find a new and enticing partner, one might assume, they’ll be off and running to explore and perhaps exploit this target of desire.

If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably already aware of the characteristic behaviors associated with this personality type: The partner hogs the mirror, constantly asks for favors, and seems to care little about what you think. When it comes to sexuality, the narcissistic individual expects you to do the satisfying, while you patiently wait to have your needs met.

It’s also possible that a narcissistic partner is more likely to stray, and as a result, you’re constantly on guard for evidence of cheating. You wonder if the partner will act on the impulse to hook up with the attractive new assistant at work, parent at day care, or new neighbor down the street. Because people high in narcissism want to look good and be the center of attention, it would make sense that they want to associate with others who enhance their social standing—highly attractive people would seem to fit the bill.

As we have recently discovered, though, even if your partner seems to meet at least some of the general criteria for narcissism, you may not have to worry.

In a newly-published study, Florida State University psychologist James McNulty and Laura Widman of Duke’s School of Medicine investigated the relationship between sexual narcissism and infidelity in the early stages of marriage.

Using a sample of 123 newlyweds, McNulty and Widman requested that participants complete a set of questionnaires to measure narcissism and its relationship to infidelity, marital satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction. One group of couples, followed over 4 years, completed measures of general narcissism only; the second group, tracked over a 1-year period, also completed a test measuring sexual narcissism.  

The strength of this study, compared to many others on similar topics, is that both partners in a couple completed the questionnaires; that the partners were actually older and in a more committed relationship than we see in typical studies of college students; and that the partners were followed up over time.

People scoring high on the sexual narcissism scale are more likely to agree with a statement such as “I really know how to please my spouse sexually.” Other facets of sexual narcissism, in addition to expressing grandiose thoughts about your sexual proficiency, include sexual entitlement (feeling that you deserve to have the kind of sex you want), lacking sexual empathy (failing to know what your partner wants), and being sexually exploitative (using people to satisfy your needs).

Over the course of the study, McNulty and Widman reported that 5% of their newlyweds engaged in infidelity; about half of those individuals were the wives. As they expected, the research team found that those high in sexual narcissism were indeed more likely to be involved in an extramarital affair. These findings held even when controlling for general narcissism, satisfaction with the marriage and with sex in the marriage, and partner’s scores on each of these measures.

Each facet of sexual narcissism seemed to play a role in relating to infidelity. However, slightly stronger relationships emerged for sexual entitlement and sexual grandiosity. There were some gender differences—husbands who lacked sexual empathy were more likely to be unfaithful, for example. It is somewhat ironic that partners who believed that they were sexually more proficient but who also expressed lack of empathy (especially husbands) were the ones who reported that they cheated.

These findings suggest that being a sexual narcissist increases the likelihood that people will cheat on their partners. There were also indications that having a sexually narcissistic partner created its own set of problems. Overall, having a narcissistic partner didn’t seem to increase the chances of your being unfaithful. However, there were predictive relationships between a partner’s sexual narcissism and infidelity among several of the narcissism facets. People with spouses who believed they were entitled to sex were more likely to cheat, as were people whose spouses had an inflated sense of their own sexual skills.

As you might expect, people who felt sexually satisfied in a relationship were less likely to cheat. However, overall marital satisfaction didn’t predict infidelity once the researchers controlled for the effects of sexual narcissism and sexual satisfaction. In other words, overall feelings toward the relationship didn’t predict the likelihood of cheating. Instead, it was high levels of sexual narcissism—not narcissism in general—that seemed to set the stage for people to seek sex outside the marriage.

This study was unique in using sexual narcissism, not narcissism in general, to predict levels of infidelity. Previous studies using overall narcissism measures hadn’t established a consistent pattern of relationships to unfaithfulness. The findings suggest that if you want to predict who will cheat in a marriage, it’s important to look at the specific domain of sexual narcissism and not general narcissistic tendencies.

From the standpoint of people’s sense of well-being, infidelity tends to have negative consequences. You may or may not believe that monogamy is essential for a relationship’s health, but for open marriages or other polyamorous relationships to work, all participants need to be on board. When a partner is unfaithful to you, it can hurt your mental health as well as the health of your relationship. Not all unfaithful partners are sexual narcissists, but for people high on the facets of this trait, the risk is greater that they, or their partners, will cheat.

To sum up: Taking account of your (and your partner’s) levels of sexual narcissism seems to be an important step toward ensuring that your relationship will stay on course. Using the facets of sexual narcissism as a guide, ask yourself honestly whether or not you tend to exploit your partner sexually; think you’re more adept sexually than you might be; lack the ability to sense what your partner wants; and feel that you’re entitled to sex with your partner. Take this one step further and ask whether you sense these tendencies in your partner. If so, this study’s findings suggest that your relationship will be more likely to endure if you are able to address, and possibly fix, problems before they begin.

Personality isn’t necessarily that amenable to change, but change is possible. Addressing the problem of sexual narcissism can help you maintain your sexual fulfillment now and into the future.

New research into why some partners are prone to stray. 

Post published by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. on Dec 27, 2014 in