A new generation of porn addicts is about to flood the Church — are we ready?

A new generation of porn addicts is about to flood the Church — are we ready?

Are we really supposed to buy into the idea that 68% of men in Church watch porn regularly? Could this just be sensational rhetoric? Not according to a national survey among churches. The survey conducted over the past five years revealed that 68 percent of Christian men and 50 percent of pastors view pornography regularly. But even more shocking is that 11-17 year-old boys reported being its greatest users. The Church is in the sexual battle of its life. As these boys become adults, the Church will be flooded with porn addicts. Pastor James Reeves of City On A Hill Church DFW has successfully tackled porn addiction in his church. He warns, “This problem is going to sweep through the Church like a tsunami wave of destruction and we’re not prepared for it”.

A Grassroots Movement for Change

In response to this growing epidemic in the Church, a group of filmmakers took it upon themselves to create a DVD teaching curriculum on sexual purity called the Conquer Series. The Series is the first of its kind to show men how to retrain a brain that’s hooked on porn, using biblical principles and powerful insights. “The shocking statistics were the game-changer for me,” says director, Jeremy Wiles. “So, we spent two years developing a five-hour discipleship curriculum, interviewing top Christian experts on this subject and shooting battle reenactments to illustrate the war that every man faces with sexual temptation. I wanted to give men proven principles on how to find freedom,” adds Wiles.

The team recruited Dr. Ted Roberts, a former U.S. Marine fighter pilot, to be the host of the Conquer Series. As a former Pastor and head of Pure Desire Ministries, Dr. Roberts has counseled men for over 30 years – mainly dealing with pornography issues. “Our goal with the Conquer Series is to give men a battle plan for purity. We’ve got a great tool here that will change lives, but we need pastors to partner with us to fight this battle,” Dr. Roberts said.

The Typical Church Approach Doesn’t Work

According to Dr. Roberts, churches often treat this issue as a moral one, but fail to recognize it’s mainly a brain problem, “We tell men to try harder, pray harder, love Jesus more.” Dr. Roberts adds, “But, what starts off as a moral problem, quickly becomes a brain problem. Telling a man to try harder is only tightening the ‘noose’ of bondage.” Today, science sheds new light on biblical truth regarding strongholds of the mind and how a person becomes enslaved to sin.

A Highjacked Brain

Understanding the brain is pivotal. When a woman is nursing her child and she’s skin-to-skin with her baby, her brain releases a neurochemical called oxytocin, which emotionally bonds her to her child. The same thing happens during sex. God designed oxytocin as the glue for human bonding. During a sexual release, oxytocin, along with other neurochemicals, are released and cause us to emotionally bond with our partner.

When you watch porn these neurochemicals are also released, which bond you to those images. This is why Satan attacks our sexuality so much, because in attacking human sexuality it actually interferes with human bonding.

According to neuropsychologist, Dr. Tim Jennings, “Any type of repetitive behavior will create trails in our brain that are going to fire on an automatic sequence.” The result is years of bondage. This is how 68% of Christian men can love the Lord with all their heart, but be trapped in sexual bondage. The repeated viewing of porn literally changes the physical structure of their brain.

- See more at: http://www.conquerseries.com/why-68-percent-of-christian-men-watch-porn/#sthash.j2HPUCmu.dpuf

Why Your Resolution to Quit Porn Will Fail Miserably (and how to succeed instead)

About 45% of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, and 88% of all resolutions end in failure. Your resolution this year might be to “lose weight” or “get organized” or “quit smoking,” but regardless, there are good psychological reasons why most New Year’s resolutions fail. And when you’re resolved to stop something as pleasurable as watching porn, the deck is most certainly stacked against you.

So, how do you set a resolution that sticks? What does behavioral science say, and more importantly, how does the Bible shed light on quitting porn?

1. Start with small, measurable goals

“What a mistake—the whole idea around New Year’s resolutions. People aren’t picking specific behaviors, they’re picking abstractions,” says B.J. Fogg, founder of Tiny Habits.

Dr. Coral Arvon, director of behavioral health and wellness at Pritikin Longevity Center, agrees. She says there is a big difference between making resolutions and changing habits. Setting “small, short-term goals are the most effective and taking resolutions one step at a time is the best way to succeed,” Dr. Arvon says.

Dr. Richard Wiseman tracked 5,000 individuals in their New Year’s resolutions. Only 10% achieved their goals. One of the key things the 10% did to succeed was break their overall goal into a series of steps, focusing on sub-goals that were concrete,measurable, and time-based.

The Bible is replete with such wisdom. Jesus says those who finish well as disciples are those who anticipate the measurable steps along the way. He said, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’” (Luke 14:28-30). The book of Proverbs also recognizes the wisdom of knowing the day-to-day steps and logical ordering it takes to achieve a goal. “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house” (Proverbs 24:27).

So, how do you turn “Stop looking at porn” into smaller goals? Isn’t it an all-or-nothing kind of thing? Yes and no. Yes, one of our sub-goals should not be to merely “cut back” our porn viewing or reduce it to some manageable frequency. Merely drinkingless deadly poison compared to yesterday is not an admirable goal.

But we can—and should—break our goal down into day-by-day, moment-by-moment steps. More often than not, freedom from pornography is not about being “delivered” from sin in a moment; it is about saying no in the day-to-day choices. The miracle of healing is a process.

• Write down the places and situations where the temptation to view porn is the strongest and plan an “exit strategy” to flee from those tempting situations over the next three weeks. Plan how you will avoid those situations. Write it down. Plan how you will exit those situations when they arise. Write it down. Why three weeks? Because it’s easier than saying “for the rest of my life.” After three weeks, set a new goal.
• Write down a list of SUDs—Seemingly Unimportant Decisions—that typically bring you one step closer to viewing porn. Certain activities look benign, but often there is a hidden motive. Is it getting online at night all by yourself? Not going to bed on time? Watching certain channels on TV? Listening to a certain kind of music? Shutting the door to your office or room? Write these activities down and choose that for the next three weeks, you will not do these things.
• Pick a “fighter verse” that you will memorize and choose to speak aloud the moment a tempting thought enters your mind. Pick a Bible verse (or part of one) that packs a punch for you, one that reminds you of your overall goal, one that reminds you what is at stake, one that reminds you of your commitment. There are many popular ones (Job 31:1; Psalm 101:3; Psalm 119:9-10, 37; Proverbs 7:25-27; Matthew 5:28-29; Romans 6:12; Romans 13:14; 1 Corinthians 6:18; Ephesians 5:3; Philippians 4:8; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; 2 Timothy 2:22; Titus 2:11-13; 1 Peter 2:11). Don’t be ambitious and memorize all of them. Choose just one. Speak it to yourself throughout the day and the moments you notice your thoughts heading the wrong direction. (And if you are thinking this baby-step is somehow beneath you, it is probably a good indication that you need to do it.)

2. Focus on the rewards

According to Peter Kinderman, Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Liverpool, one of the biggest problems with New Year’s resolutions is that people are using a rather arbitrary event—the beginning of a new calendar year—to motivate themselves to be different. “The very fact that we’re using the New Year to spur us to action might indicate that we’re not really able to do the hard work of changing,” he says.

Dr. Wiseman notes that the top 10% who actually achieve their resolutions are those who regularly remind themselves about the benefits. He recommends people create a checklist of how life will be better once they achieve their aim. What will be the reward?

Again, the Bible is filled with the language of reward. How did Moses, who grew up in the palace of Pharaoh with the fleeting pleasures of sin at his fingertips, say no to those pleasures? The book of Hebrews says, “he was looking to the reward” (Hebrews 11:26). Indeed, this is the very nature of real faith. Faith “is the assurance of things hoped for” (11:1)—the anticipation that the life we are promised is real.

When it comes to saying no to lust and pornography, there are tailor-made promises in the Scriptures that hold out to us the blessings of having a sexually pure mind and body.The apostle Peter writes that we can become more like God Himself through His “precious and very great promises” (2 Peter 1:3).

• If you are pure in heart, God promises you will see Him someday (Matthew 5:8).
• If you are sexually pure, your mind will no longer be foggy, your heart will be teachable, and you will be filled with the life of God (Ephesians 4:17-19).
• If you fill your mind with that which is honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy, then God’s peaceful presence will be with you (Philippians 4:8-9).
• If you are sexually pure, your heart will not be enslaved to the worship of sex, which means you can wholeheartedly devote yourself to the true and living God (1 Kings 11:4).
• If you are sexually pure, you will see and treat men as brothers and women as sisters and not as objects to be used for lust (1 Timothy 5:1-2).
• If you are not enslaved to your lusts, you will be freer to serve others in love (Galatians 5:13).
• If you are sexually pure, you will be more prepared to be a great lover and to enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse or future spouse (Proverbs 5:18-19).
• If you are sexually pure, you will keep your marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4).
• If you are sexually pure, you will no longer waste time but instead make the most of it (Ephesians 5:16).
• If you are sexually pure, your life will be fruitful, and that fruit will be full of goodness, rightness, and truth (Ephesians 5:8-9).
• If you are sexually pure, you will be an honorable person (1 Thessalonians 4:4).
• If you are a sexually pure, person you will not be enslaved to your passions (1 Corinthians 6:12).
• If you are pure, you will be more like the glorious, risen Christ (1 John 3:1-3).
• If you are sexually pure, you will be living in the will of God for your life (1 Thessalonians 4:3).

If you want to be rid of porn, a sure-fire way to fail is to get caught in the trap of obsessing over what you are losing—not having your temporary “fix” anymore. Instead, focus on what you are gaining. Each day, prayerfully remind yourself: This is the kind of person I want to become.

3. Establish built-in reminders

Dr. Arvon suggests something simple like, “Set your smartphone calendar to give you positive messages or reminders about your goals a few times per day.” Dr. Wiseman says those who live up to their resolutions tangibly map out their progress, writing down their smaller goals and the benefits they desire.

This is also biblical. Moses established a yearly calendar and scheduled set times for the priests to blow trumpets as reminders to the people (Leviticus 23:24). Joshua had the twelve men from Israel carry stones from the Jordan River to build a memorial as a reminder of crossing the river on dry ground (Joshua 4). Jesus Himself instituted the Lord’s Supper to serve as a visible reminder to the church of His death (1 Corinthians 11:23-26).

It isn’t “unspiritual” to manipulate your physical environment so you can be reminded of your commitments.Do what works for you. Stick Post-It® Notes everywhere. Wear a ring or bracelet. Set alarms or alerts in your phone or on your computer calendar. Or do like what Jason George does: record your voice speaking aloud the promises and blessings listed above in your iPod and listen to it every morning for the next three weeks—and then make the same commitment three weeks later.

4. Be accountable for your goals

Dr. Wiseman says that all those who achieve their resolutions had something else in common: They told their friends and family about their goals. This accomplished two things: it increased the fear of failure and created a network of support.

The same is true in cases of porn addiction. A study from Fuller Theological Seminary found that those who combined both Christian counseling and using Covenant Eyes Accountability software on their computers experienced a 66% drop in relapses, and many participants said they never relapsed.

Accountability is also something the Bible speaks a great deal about. James teaches his readers to confess their sins to one another and pray for each other so they can find healing for their distresses (James 5:16). All throughout the New Testament, the phrase “one another” is repeated over and over, giving the church a picture of the kind of relationships we are meant to have: relationships of encouragement (1 Thessalonians 4:18), bearing each others’ burdens (Galatians 6:2), admonishment (Romans 15:14), and love (Romans 13:8).

Accountability also brings with it the fear of failure or disgrace before others. The Bible also speaks to this:

Another motivator God has given us to keep us from sin is the threat of potential disgrace or shame before other people (Luke 14:9; Romans 1:24-26; 6:21; 1 Corinthians 11:6,14; 14:35). We ought to be aware of how our sins impact other people and our relationships. Paul’s term for this is “walking properly” (Romans 13:13; 1 Corinthians 14:40; 1 Thessalonians 4:12). It means living in a manner of decency, and having the awareness that our actions impact those around us.

We do not sin in a vacuum. Our sin impacts our families, friends, and communities, and thus it impacts our place in those relationships. (Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability)

This is why accountability is critical for success, and when it comes to Internet pornography, accountability software is a proven tool.

5. Have the right attitude about slips

It is easy to fall prey to the I-might-as-well attitude. If we slip and start watching a little pornography, often we say, “Well, I’ve already sinned. I might as well sin big.” Dr. Wiseman counsels those who are making New Year’s resolutions: “Expect to revert to your old habits from time to time. Treat any failure as a temporary setback rather than a reason to give up altogether.”

This is most certainly true in the area of pornography. In their groundbreaking Conquer Series, Jeremy and Tiana Wiles teach those in sexual bondage: “A relapse does not stop the healing process, but it will have consequences.” This balance is critical. Relapses into sexual sin are genuine setbacks, but neither should they defeat us.

Dr. Mark Laaser writes, “Slip is an acronym for ‘Short Lapse In Progress.’” Yes, it feels good to say that it’s been 88 days since you’ve seen pornography, but when you slip on Day 89 you are not back at square one. Genuine progress was made. Change happened. Don’t let it defeat you. At the same time, Dr. Laaser says, it remains a short lapse “only if the person learns from it, repents, and grows in understanding as a result” (L.I.F.E. Guide for Men, 45).

6. Fight from a new identity

Psychology professor Peter Herman has coined the term “false hope syndrome.” When someone makes a resolution that is completely out of alignment with what they really believe is possible or how they view themselves, this not only leads to failure but a great despondency.

Researchers Anirban Mukhopadhyay and Gita Johar have found that when people believe self-control is something unlimited and dynamic (i.e. “I can stop looking at porn if I put my mind to it”), they are far more likely to stick to their goals. But those who believe self-control is limited (“I can’t help it that I look at porn. I have an addictive personality”) do worse on their resolution goals.

While it is true that the Bible speaks to human limitations because of sin, the Bible also speaks a strong message of God’s power to do the impossible despite our limitations. As Christians we must fight against porn with faith: we must believe we are children of the living God.

Christian counselor Brad Hambrick says that with every struggle in our lives—be it overcoming sinful habits or getting through times of incredible pain—we are always simultaneous sinners,sufferers, and saints.

• Sinner: Sin is part of our very nature.
• Sufferer: Our sinful world has caused us harm.
• Saint: We are children of God.

Yes, as sinners and sufferers we are, in fact, limited in our ability to change. But as saints, we are united to a God who knows no limits, who is not intimidated by our sin or our lack of faith. God’s grace does not just overcome the guilt of sin; it overcomes thegrip of sin.

In His grace, God unites us to the Spirit of the risen Christ. His resurrection power now flows in our veins. Knowing this, Paul says: “Consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus” (Romans 6:11). He does not tell us to die to sin (a command), nor does he tell us we are dying to sin (a process), but he says we are dead to sin (a fact). This statement strikes at the heart of who we are. We are no longer defined by our sinful past, our present struggles with sin, our guilt, our shame, or our relationship to this sinful world. We belong to the sinless age to come. This is who we truly are.

If we make a resolution to stop looking at porn, we must do so standing firm in our identity as saints. Each time the temptation comes along, we should resist it, saying to ourselves, “This is not who I am. I am dead to sin. I have been given a spirit of power, love, and self-control. I am united to a Deliverer who is able to do far more abundantly than all I can ask or imagine.”

Luke Gilkerson

What’s the biggest problem Christian men face today?

What do you think is the biggest problem among Christian men today? It’s a problem in the Church that everyone knows, but no one dares talk about.

It’s amazing how close our production team has gotten since we started work on the Conquer Series. A subject none of us ever thought we’d muster the courage to mention amongst ourselves, let alone share with transparency, is now a topic we’ve become so familiar with, it’s scary. But I guess this is what happens when you shed truth to something as ugly and shameful as pornography.

Statistics of pornography addicts in the Church:

• 67% of men.
• 25-30% of women.
• 50-58% of pastors.

Because sexual sin has such contemptible connotations amongst Christians, few dare to examine it for what it really is. It’s like a disease that no one wants to get close to, but denying the existence of an epidemic doesn’t stop it from spreading. Hosea 4:6 says: “My people perish for lack of knowledge…”

As we’ve come to understand what sexual sin is and Christ’s redemptive power on the Cross, as well as the scientific facts that corroborate God’s Word, we’ve realized that this knowledge – this truth – has the power to set men free, where they no longer have to live each day with shame and guilt.

A close friend who has experienced this first hand is Eric Hovind. His father, Kent Hovind, is a world-renowned Creationist public speaker. Eric is the president of Creation Today and has debated some of the nation’s fiercest defenders of Evolution.

The first time Eric was exposed to pornography was at age 5 – at a Christian school. He was brave enough to share his testimony on how God freed him from his struggle with pornography. You can watch a preview by clicking on the image.

Many men want to be freed from pornography, but they expect God or someone else to do the hard work. They pray and then blame God for not removing the problem. There is a process of renewing their minds in Christ before seeing the results of complete restoration. Viewing porn is not about sex, it is about how men have learned to medicate the pain in their lives.

Pastors can become effective heart surgeons when they understand these principles. Unfortunately many men who struggle with sexual sin, and dare admit it to their pastor, have to go along with the typical Church response: “We’ll pray for you.” The next time he tells his leader that he viewed porn again the pastor says: “Well, stop it because we’re praying for you!”. Where does that get you? Nowhere. God can miraculously heal men instantly, but typically it is a 2-5 year process of renewing the mind and becoming a new creation in Christ.

There is no question that a man who struggles with pornography needs to pray and enlist God’s power, but it shouldn’t stop there. There are practical steps to take, adjustments that can be life-changing, but it all begins with knowing what sexual bondage is and God’s weapons and strategies for His children.

- See more at: http://www.conquerseries.com/whats-the-biggest-problem-christian-men-face-today/#sthash.jBcCJZX4.dpuf

Porn Habit – Indulgence or Addiction?

Given the prevalence and easy access to pornographic material these days, use of porn has become an issue that impacts more people now than ever before. The widespread problem of overuse of porn is taking a serious toll on relationships, and the pain that it causes often outweighs the fleeting pleasure that users experience. Many professionals view usage of porn in similar terms and perspectives as drug addiction. The process and symptoms are quite similar.

In any addiction, there is a desire and effort on the part of the user to achieve some gratification or escape. There is an interest in altering one’s mood or arousal state. It serves as a coping strategy to distract from uncomfortable feelings, such as disconnection, rejection, loneliness, sadness, frustration, anger or anxiety. Both porn and drug usage provides a temporary soothing to these emotions, and when relied upon, the habit can build insidiously.

Alarmingly, children and teens are now being exposed to porn, and often without intention; 2 out of 3 exposures are unwanted or accidental. The average age of first exposure is 11. The amount of porn and sexual images available online is so abundant that it at times cannot be avoided – misdirected searches, stealth sites, pop-ups, spam, texts, etc. lead to porn sites or images with sexual content.Adult searches for porn, especially amongst young single men, is common. Of the top 10 search terms, sex and porn rank number 4 and 6, respectively. Porn sites get more visitors than Amazon, Netflix and Twitter combined. Every second, over $3000 is being used to purchase porn online, and every year, billions of dollars of business productivity in the US alone is lost due to porn consumption. But the worst loss is the cost to society and the negative impact on families.

While millions of people use porn to some extent, not everyone develops a significant problem with it. However, a substantial minority of people do suffer ill effects, in one or more ways, and to varying degrees. Clearly, hard core and aggressive/degrading images can promote distorted and unhealthy attitudes and behaviors in relationships. More commonly, even non-aggressive porn can lead to a lack of involvement, intimacy, enjoyment and appreciation in real relationships. Regular exposure to distorted sexual content can have similar effects as addiction in this manner (distance and disconnection, and perhaps disregard and disrespect).

Not much research has been done yet in the area of porn addiction. Statistics on the problem are variable, and there is not a lot of funding that is available for relevant studies. One recent study was conducted at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin, and the published a study in the journal JAMA Psychiatry found that a moderate exposure to pornography (i.e., not more than 4 hours per week) was associated with differences in gray matter volume in a particular region of the brain (see http://www.iflscience.com/brain/researchers-find-association-between-porn-viewing-and-less-grey-matter-brain). One possible effect is a decrease in the function of a part of the brain known to process motivation. Another very recent study (the Voon study at Cambridge University, published in PLOS ONE on July 11, 2014) found that compulsive porn users react similarly to porn cues as drug addicts react to drug cues. They also found that male porn consumers (average age 25) had significant trouble (over 50%) achieving erections with real partners yet could achieve them with porn. This reconditioning effect leads to high rates of erectile dysfunction in young males. The head researcher, Valerie Voon, concluded that the brain sensitization observed in compulsive porn users amount to “clear differences in brain activity between patients who have compulsive sexual behaviour and healthy volunteers. These differences mirror those of drug addicts” (see http://yourbrainonporn.com/cambridge-university-brain-scans-find-porn-addiction). The body of research in this area is still thin and developing, and thus conflicting opinions do exist.

Nevertheless, what is important in the real lives of real people is whether there is a functional difference being experienced. Clearly, parents need to take extra precautions to safeguard and educate children. Limiting access and monitoring is necessary when it comes to children being online, whether it be texting or surfing the net. For those who use porn, an honest assessment of how the activity is impacting one’s quality of life is needed – is this activity decreasing my emotional connection with my partner, is it consuming more time than is reasonable, is it leading me to feel differently about others, is it causing me problems in the bedroom with a real person, is it distracting me from my work/family/friends, am I lying or being sneaky in order to indulge in this activity, am I feeling more isolated or depressed since using porn, do I feel compelled to use it even when I don’t really want to, is it costing me too much money, do I feel a loss of control…answering these and other questions can help you determine if you (or someone you care about) have a problem. They are the same questions one would ask regarding drug usage.

As with any addiction or compulsion, help is available. Currently, research and programs related to porn addiction are not as well developed or prevalent as those for drug and alcohol addiction. Controversy exists around which treatment models are effective, and the current status of sexual and porn addiction treatment is somewhat experimental at this time. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been suggested as a most promising treatment model due to the success people have had with overcoming more general Internet addiction (excessive reading, playing games and watching videos that interferes with daily life). As with any problem, a healthy dose of common sense and logic should be used to identify and address difficulties in the area of compulsive sexual behavior and porn use. If you think you have a problem, you probably do, and if a treatment seems to be helping you, it probably is. More research, treatment and awareness/understanding of this area should develop over time to help support those who struggle with compulsive porn usage.

By Allison Conner, Psy.D. on August 13, 2014 - 9:04am

Why are so many Christians addicted to porn?

According to a recent survey by the Barna Group, 21% of Christian men say they have thought they were “addicted” to porn or said they weren’t sure. This is more than two times what non-Christian men said (10%). Interestingly, 64% of Christian men say they view porn at least once a month, but a higher percentage (71%) of non-Christian report doing this.

Why are Christian men more likely to feel the term “porn addiction” applies to them?

Another recent study from Case Western Reserve University confirms this. Researchers concluded that there is a strong relationship between strong moral and religious convictions against porn and the perception that personal porn use is an “addiction.”

Definitions of Addiction

In my opinion, the chief sources of the discrepancy are the conflicting definitions of addiction. What does it mean to use porn “compulsively” or “regularly”? For some folks, “addictive” use of porn might be once a month, once a week, once a day, or many hours in a day. Others would measure addictive use by how much it disturbs their lives: has it cost them money or significant relationships? For the most part, surveys are not standardized around specific definitions or descriptions.

For instance, take the survey results published in the Porn University survey:

• 42% of men (7,065) said that they “regularly” visit sexually explicit websites or chat rooms, read sexually explicit magazines, or romance novels.
• Yet 64% of men (10,622) said that they spend at least some time each week online for sexual purposes. About one in five of these said they spend 5 or more hours every week.
• Furthermore, 19% of men (3,187) said they feel “controlled” by their sexual desires or fantasies of romance.

Clearly, what is considered “regular” use of pornography, or being “controlled” by it, are not the same across the board.

So what makes someone feel “out of control”? One contributing factor that psychologists give is religion.Pioneering sex therapist Michael Quadland has studied those who feel “out of control” with their sexual behavior. He found the patient’s and therapist’s beliefs about what is sexually “normal” the biggest controlling factor in whether the behavior is deemed compulsive or destructive.

So if a Christian’s value system leads him or her to believe that any sexual gratification outside of marital intimacy is wrong, thenany amount of compulsion to look at porn could be deemed “out of control.”

Christians and Addiction Language

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disordersdoesn’t use the word “addiction” for anything—not drugs, alcohol, nor any behavior. The language of addiction is largely shaped by culture—not medicine. Christian counselor Ed Welch explains:

“In popular use, addiction has become a very elastic and ambiguous category that contains everything from the frivolous (added to the six o’clock news) to the grave (addicted to alcohol). It also includes the unequally yoked categories of disease and sin. Given its ambiguities, there is a growing sentiment that we need a different word” (Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, p.11).

On top of these cultural ambiguities, addiction language in Christian community is also shaped by sin language. A year ago I heard Ed Welch give a talk at a conference in Philadelphia entitled, “Addiction, Temptation, & Voluntary Slavery.” He spoke about how so often the “Big Book” used by AA members seems so much more alive to them than the words of the Bible. Why? One reason is the Big Book uses “addiction” language. The Bible does not.

The recovering alcoholic needs to understand the language of the Bible. The Bible doesn’t talk of “addiction,” but rather “slavery to sin.” The Bible doesn’t speak of the root of habitual sin as merely a “disease,” but as “idolatry.” Once these categories are understood, many portions of Scripture can and do come to life for the struggling addict.

Biblical language levels the playing field between the so-called addict and the non-addict. The Bible speaks of a slavery to sin that has affected the whole human race. For the addict, this slavery has impacted his or her life in a particular, more demonstrative way; in fact, the conference in Philadelphia was called “The Addict in Us All,” to highlight this very point: we are all addicted to self, addicted to sin, and as Christians we are all being redeemed from that life of sin-slavery.

Do Christians and Pornography Mix? Are Christians More Prone to Porn Addiction?

Definitional differences aside, could it be that Christians actually have a more difficult time battling addictions? I am not aware of any studies or surveys that suggest this, but there are at least two “theological” factors at work in Christian communities that might serve to escalate addiction:

1. Teaching higher standards makes rebellion more appealing (i.e. the hot stove principle).

Being raised in Christian community, I know that teaching a high moral standard didn’t make me want to sin less: rather, I wanted to sin more. The apostle Paul wrote, “[I]f it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, ‘You shall not covet.’ But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness” (Romans 7:7-8).

This is the hot stove principle: Tell a child not to touch the hot stove, and the forbidden act suddenly seems all the more attractive; the biblical motto of the harlot reiterates this conceit: “Stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17).

In a real sense, those who embrace Christian values can find pornography all the more appealing merely because it is demonstrably forbidden by their commitment to God.

2. Failing at higher standards makes sin all the more novel and intoxicating.

We are wired to love novelty—it is an essential part of our development. When we encounter a new experience, our bodies release an extra dose of pleasure-producing chemicals, a mechanism which encourages us to experience and explore new things.

For me, the draw of pornography was largely a draw to novelty. Pornography, especially Internet pornography, keeps us coming back for more because it promises a veritably endless source of sexual novelty. Each new picture or video clip promises a new sensation. This is why porn-addicted men don’t simply log on, quickly find one appealing image, and gratify themselves. We keep searching. We can spend hours online. Why? Because it’s not about the climax; it’s about the search, the options, and each one is a novel sexual escapade. This desire for novelty is also the reason why we move from less graphic to more graphic pornography over time: the downward spiral is fed by a desire for novelty.

For the Christian who engages in pornography, typically there are added dimensions of guilt and paranoia. These have a way of compounding the novelty of each experience. This leaves a deeper emotional rut in the mind, as it were. Over time, guilt can become chronic—even a way of life. The guilt can become an essential ingredient to the addiction. There came a time in my life when feeling guilty was the only way I could feel normal.

So, What is the Answer?

At first glance it would seem the conservative standards are the problem: get rid of the rigid moral code and the rest goes away, right? But when we seek to rid ourselves of Christian morals for the sake of keeping addiction at bay, we are playing fast and lose with theology. Christian morality is not merely an idea about how to live; it is based on real history—the belief that the Creator of heaven and earth has actually revealed Himself in human history. We desire to follow biblical morals because we are convinced that Jesus is the Christ, the revelation of God.

No. Instead of discarding our morals, we need to embrace the One who gave them:

1. Teaching higher standards should point people towards their need for a new heart.

The goal of teaching Christian sexual ethics is not encouraging people to “try harder.” Merely highlighting the hotness of the stove is not the point. To know better is not necessarily to do better. Instead, recognizing our inward pull towards rebellion, we are to be driven to a place of utter neediness: I cannot change myself.

When I was entrenched in addiction, I knew that acknowledging my depravity was par for the Christian course, but something in me always wanted to “graduate” from that place of utter neediness. I sincerely believed that spiritual growth meant moving from spiritual poverty to self-sufficiency. I never would have said it that way, but that was my attitude.

But the great promise of Scripture is not that our “flesh” will get better, but that God can bring about great internal change despite our rebellious nature. He does so, not by enforcing anexternal code of conduct, but by implanting a new internal drive in His people, what the Bible calls a “new heart.”

Just as sure as pornography stirs up lustful cravings in us, the Holy Spirit is a source of new, holy cravings. Romans 8 tells us all true Christians have the Spirit of Christ within them (v.9). Galatians 5 says we are given the “desires of the Spirit” (v.17), and when we keep in step with these desires (v.16) the lusts of the flesh (leading to sexual immorality, impurity, and sensuality) will not have their way in us.

This is what the old Scottish minister Thomas Chalmers called “the expulsive power of a new affection.” Laws, rules, and regulations can only tell us what is bad and why it is bad, but they do not change our desire for sinful things. These sinful longings can only be conquered by implanting new “affections,” new cravings, that counter our sinful cravings. This is what the Spirit does in us: He shares His own desires with us, changing us from the inside out. (Your Brain on Porn)

2. Failing at higher standards should drive us to the cross.

The addict often finds himself in a cycle of abstinence, temptation, sin, guilt, penance, and back to abstinence. How do we break the cycle?

As we have seen, guilt is a big part of the addiction cycle. Guilt is that feeling of self-reproach, the feeling that one is culpable for some offense. When we feel guilt we desire absolution and reconciliation. Out of this longing, just like the pagan religions of old, we invent modes of penance that sooth our consciences: rituals that we hope will make us feel right with the powers of the universe again. We try to “get clean” by doing something good, to “make up” for the moral lapse. For some Christians, it is renewing a commitment to more prayer, more activity in the church, or donating more time or money to some worthy cause. For others, it is merely time: an extended track record of victory. For me, it was the emotion of worthlessness—a sort of mental flagellation; long hours of beating my heart to a bloody pulp. These are modes of penance that we hope will fuel greater obedience in the future.

This is where a proper understanding of the cross is critical. Yes, my sin means I deserve the lowest hell. But (in love) Christ experienced my hell on the cross. He experienced the agony of God-forsakenness, the curse of my sin. The Father channeled His just wrath for my sin into His Son. The cross is God’s altar to fully extinguish His anger, and, as a result, I am fully pardoned.

Furthermore, to prove Christ’s sacrifice was not in vain, God raised Jesus from the dead three days later. Weeks after this, His disciples saw Him ascend into the heavens, and there, we are told, He entered the holiest place of heaven. He poured out His Spirit on His people, and by His Spirit He can “purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God” (Hebrews 9:14).

10 Surprising Pornography Stats

Get more up-to-date statistics about pornography and cybersex:250+ Stats and Facts About Pornography.

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1. Lots of people are looking for it

2. It teaches men sexual behavior

3. People watch it at work

4. Kids are watching it

5. Kids are seeing hardcore porn

6. College guys are watching a lot of it

7. College girls are, too

8. Christians watch it

9. So do pastors

10. It is causing divorces

Luke Gilkerson

Love Addiction Proves There’s a Dangerous Side to Affection

Untangling the Mysteries of Love Addiction

Many people have experienced the heady excitement of new love and the heartache of love gone wrong. But can love turn into an addiction?

A team of researchers at the University of Texas Health Science Center in Houston says yes, that extreme feelings of love toward another person can sometimes develop into a maladaptive attachment. These feelings can lead to destruction of the relationship and dysfunctional behavior. This type of “love addiction” often causes individuals to stay in a relationship that is dangerous to their well-being or causes depression long after the break-up.

One of the questions the researchers asked is why people can become addicted to the feeling of love and whether this addiction should be considered a disorder. Researchers involved in the study defined someone suffering from “love addiction” as a person who displays such an intense attachment to their partner or partners that the attachment creates problems in their daily lives. People who have the potential to be diagnosed with love addiction show loss of control and of the ability to function on a day-to-day basis without being affected by the behaviors of those they are in love with. The addiction seemed to affect young adults at a much higher rate than any other age group.

Who Is at Risk for Love Addiction?

• Those who do not understand the concept of mature love
• Individuals who demonstrate impulsiveness
• Those living in an unstructured home environment
• People with high levels of anxiety
• People with co-dependency issues

The investigators looked at chemicals in the brain that could be a factor in love addiction: dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin and an opioid hormone. The researchers concluded that individuals with abnormal levels in some areas showed signs of varying addiction and relationship deficiencies.

Though no studies were found that proved medications would help the problem, the researchers did suggest that mental exercises and therapy that targets symptoms, along with interventional counseling, may make a difference. They also found that cognitive behavior therapy and group therapy could be beneficial.