The Small Gifts of Connection

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S 

The Season Everyone Can Be Jolly…

Could the holidays possibly present us with a more of a confusing mish-mash of messages, expectations, and emotions? Sadly, that seems to be the nature of the beast. We turn on the TV and there’s George Bailey saving his depression-era town from financial ruin while simultaneously making new angels every time a bell rings. Change the channel and there’s little Virginia learning that there really is a Santa Clause. Switch the station again and we’ve got Charlie Brown’s friends deciding the woeful tree he chose for the Christmas play isn’t such a bad little tree after all. And while viewing these shows we can’t help but think: “Yes, this really is a wonderful time of the year.” But thinking this is not the same as experiencing it, and, given all the cooking, shopping, work, emails, bills, lists, gifts, etc., that we have to deal with throughout the holidays, what most adults seem to actually feel is, in no particular order: tired, overwhelmed, restless, stressed-out, impatient, and pressured. Did I mention tired? As adults, instead of focusing on the twinkling lights and pretty figure skaters like we should, we tend to mull over things like mortgages, taxes, and credit card bills, not to mention our snarling in-laws, while the whole world shrieks: “Give and now receive. Receive and now give. Now repeat.” By mid-December, even the most optimistic among us can find ourselves thinking, while waiting in yet another line in yet another store, “Gee, this kind of sucks,” or, employing the language of a bygone era, “Bah, Humbug!”

But don’t lose heart. In addition to the many frustrations that tend to haunt the overstuffed days between Halloween and New Year’s, the holiday season is also guaranteed to bring moments of genuine connection and intimacy, meaning real flashes of actual joy, as long as we are sharp enough to notice them. Maybe your holiday moment occurs when your spouse walks in the front door after a long day at work, laden with groceries, and upon seeing your face he or she says with a tiny smile, “Oh, thank God,” simply because you are there to greet and help unload. Maybe your gay neighbors, together some 40 years now, decide to tie the knot this holiday season because legally they finally can, and you get to celebrate this with them. Or maybe, if you’re very, very lucky, one of your kids takes a moment away from his or her favorite digital device long enough to look into your eyes with undisguised sincerity and say “I love you” or “Thanks.” It is in these small, precious, very real moments of being with others and feeling connected that the season comes alive, with all the peace, love, and goodwill toward man that we are seeking. But to find these small moments we have to be looking for them.

That said, and I promise this, no matter how hard we try to narrow our disconnection and draw closer to loved ones, no holiday season is ever going to be flawless. Regardless of age, gender, race, or creed, the season will be laced with imperfections and dashed expectations, plenty enough for one and all. Simply put, none of us is perfect and neither are those around us. As such, it is important to prepare ourselves for a few Grinch-like bursts mixed in with those shining moments of connection.

Take a Moment and Genuinely Connect

Regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), what gives the holidays meaning is ultimately defined by our willingness to intimately bond, however briefly, with those around us, especially those we care deeply about. It’s a guarantee that the more you seek to connect in a heartfelt, honest way this time of year, the more joy you will feel – provided you watch your expectations, as not every heart is open in this or any other December. That said, there are a few things that can tip the scales in your favor, thereby improving the chances you will experience at least a few joyful moments.

1. Get Grateful. After more than a dozen years of research into courageous and wholehearted living, Dr. Brené Brown writes that a primary difference between happy and unhappy people is that happy people are grateful. Essentially, joy and gratitude are inexorably linked. As such, the most effective, healthy, short-term antidote for almost any type or degree of emotional discomfort is gratitude. So if you find yourself struggling with the holidays, try mixing up your fear/sadness/anger/whatever with just a tinge of gratitude to see where you land. This won’t entirely dismiss your despair, but it will blend some positive reality in with it. Gratitude goes something like this: “I hate that I don’t have enough money to buy the kinds gifts my kids want, but I am grateful they are healthy, vibrant, and loving.” Or “I wish my parents were alive to see the family together, but when we tell stories about them and laugh, I know that I carry them with me forever.” Etc. Some people make gratitude lists. This is a very solid recommendation for New Year’s morning, by the way. “I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads and a stable life. I am grateful that I have a job. I am grateful for good friends who will always be there. I am grateful that I am married to someone I love who loves me back.” In simplest terms, it is flat-out impossible to be grateful and completely unhappy at the same time. That’ a fact!
2. Engage in holiday activities that involve other people. Even though it’s usually faster and easier to do the shopping, bake the cookies, and get those gifts wrapped while you have a moment alone, the holiday season is always more meaningful if you do these simple chores with others. If you have kids, a good tactic is to schedule family play dates several days in advance so your kids know what’s coming and don’t make other plans, but you’ll still need to be flexible, as things that seem much more important (in your kids’ minds) will often pop up at the last minute. Another good tactic is to have some ideas that can be implemented spontaneously, when nothing else is going on. Even “too cool” teenagers will give in to the holiday spirit when they’re snowed in and there’s nothing happening online. Decorating, cooking, creating handmade gifts, and all the rest will give you and your family a whole lot of fun stories to tell later if you do these things together.
3. Spend time and engage in holiday activities with your significant other. For those who have kids, spending time with them is obviously very important, especially during the holidays, but it is equally important to not neglect your spouse. Both of you are likely experiencing a lot of holiday stress and anxiety, and a great way to escape from that, at least temporarily, is for you and your partner to PLAN a few intimate hours focused solely on one another. And don’t break these dates no matter what. Take a bubble bath together, give each other massages, dress up like Santa and his favorite sexy elf, or whatever. Just remember to take a few moments somewhere along the way to tell each other what and how you are feeling about life, the holidays, and the importance of your relationship. These intimate conversational moments, more than actual sex, are the way to maintain lasting connections with a lifelong partner.
4. Spend time with close friends. If you’re single and childless this is especially important. After all, you don’t need to have an “official family” to be with loved ones at the holidays. Families made by choice are every bit as good as families made by marriage and blood. This is just as true during the holidays as it is at other times of year, and don’t let anyone tell you different. And even if you are married with children, friends are still important because they are the people who often provide the balance you need in life, so don’t forget about them during the holidays.
5. Volunteer and/or give to charity.Giving is a concept that ties directly into gratitude. People who are grateful for what they have are much more likely to share with others, and vice versa. So if your kids are asking for way too much Christmas swag, take them to the mall or go online with them and ask them to pick out onereally good present for a child who otherwise won’t receive anything at all. Encourage them to purchase that wonderful toy, and help them donate it wherever they find need. No matter how cynical or clueless kids usually are, they get this. They completely understand what they are doing, and why they are doing it, and a beautiful lesson about living life and caring about other people is learned. If you don’t have kids, that doesn’t mean you can’t donate to a toy drive or otherwise volunteer your time and/or financial resources. I can’t stress this enough: Being charitable and being grateful are linked, and gratitude is linked to joy; as such, charity is also linked to joy.
6. Accept other people exactly as they are, warts and all. Other people are who they are – sometimes even more so during the holidays – and there is nothing that any of us can do about that. If a loved one puts way too much butter on his or her roll at dinner, or spends way too much money on gifts, or whatever, so be it. That’s just the way that he or she is. If we choose to fight this fact, hoping we can convince this person to behave as we think that he or she should, we will make ourselves nuts. However, if and when we learn to accept that other people, especially our loved ones, are quirky and don’t always see eye-to-eye with us, we’re usually a whole lot happier. And if we learn to be grateful for the imperfections of others (perhaps viewing those supposed flaws as entertaining), then we’ve really got something.

If you are able to actively incorporate the tips provided above for developing intimate emotional connections and having a happy, fulfilling holiday season, you almost certainly will experience positive results. Be willing, of course, to experiment with and adapt as needed these suggestions, as every person and family is a little bit different. What works for others may not work for you, and vice versa. Nevertheless, with a little effort you can find the recipe that cooks with you and yours, and when you do, you’re guaranteed to have an absolutely perfect,oh, sorry, I mean a mostly fun and, more importantly, a more meaningful holiday season.

The Same Old Argument. Over & Over & Over…

So many of us seem to rehash the exact same arguments with our partners time and again, yet nothing changes. It is as if the dialogue could be pre-scripted, each partner knows what the other is about to say beforehand and then we each go ahead and say it anyway!

The truth is that change is possible. There is a way out of this vicious lack-of-communication cycle. When we set aside time to learn about ourselves and why we react to others in the way that we do, we give ourselves a very good chance at expressing ourselves and our needs far more effectively in the future. For recovering couples this is the process of discovering ourdefects of character.

Amidst the defects of character that we have acquired over our lifetime, we have learned to play a myriad of games that will work to prevent other people from really getting to know the “real us.” These character defects are likely to be known by a variety of different names. It would appear however, that the names we give them are not as relevant as the behaviors they describe.

Originally these defects served as coping tools to protect us from getting hurt from other people. After a while however, these coping tools become maladaptive – they no longer help us anymore. But those games we play have become so ingrained in us that we continue to use them long after they have stopped working for us.

In a romance, these games might be employed with the expectation that we will protect ourselves from getting hurt from our partners. Unfortunately the opposite often happens. These defects of character will work to prevent us from developing the type of open and vulnerable communication that leads to real intimacy and a lasting romance!

We have the ability as individuals to use new self-awareness to begin self disclosing our defects to our romantic partners. We learn to share with our partner exactly how we have used our defects to stay detached. As couples move from superficial conversation to a deeper level of disclosure, the dialogue may begin to include thoughts, ideas, judgments and beliefs.

At first it can feel terribly frightening to risk revealing who we really are. Remember, we have been avoiding just that for so long. We need not show reluctance however.  If we desire the self-knowledge needed to be intimate with one another, we will be willing to share who we are without being blocked by the fears that haunt many of us.

With practice the messages we tell ourselves during emotional challenges will change and the messages we tell our partner will change as well. Here is one example:

How many times, when we have been faced with perceived rejection, have we begun an argument with our partner as a way of retaliating? When our partner began to show disinterest is what we were saying our old reaction may have been to think or say:

“You never show interest in what I have to say. Communicating with you is a waste of my time!”

This is just one example of a reaction and a behavior that is based in fear. In this particular example, we are giving in to our old patterns of thoughts and behaviors and we will be resentful when we end up with the same unproductive results as always. It will spur that vicious lack-of-communication cycle we know all too well. Developing a new inner response, however, will prove to be a real game changer for your relationship. Our new response will probably sound more like:

“My feelings are hurt.  I feel threatened because your behavior seems to be a rejection.  I have been through this many times in my past, and I really do not like how this feels.”

When you begin to reveal yourself to your partner, you are allowed to be frightened. When we settle for chitchat rather than revealing ourselves to our partner, we are settling for less than the “promises” of recovery are offering.

Take a risk to move beyond the issues that you and your partner usually debate or argue.  Make a decision to look at the feelings beneath the arguments and the finger pointing.  If you and your partner return to the same issues time and again you are not getting honest enough about all that is bothering you.

Remember the rule: Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results…

Tell us about how you and your partner came to move beyond the same old arguments.  If you are a therapist working with couples in recovery, share some of the tools you suggest to help them move beyond the same old arguments.

This article was written by John & Elaine Leadem

Self Worth

Sooner or later, we must ask ourselves, "Am I worthwhile enough to fight for?" 

- Dr. Patrick Carnes 

Why Community?

It is essential to surround yourself with a community of open hands who believe in you more than you believe in yourself. 

- Dr. Patrick Carnes 

Shame - Good or Bad?

We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light, inside of us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us – that we’re bad, flawed, not good enough – and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs.

Brené Brown

 Daring Greatly (p. 61)

"Holiday Recipes for Relapse & Recovery"

The holidays can be a challenging time for all of us, especially those in recovery. An increase in sugary, fatty foods, plus a decrease in structure, combined with a mixture of family chaos, can quickly become a recipe for relapse. Despite the many challenges of sustaining recovery in this season, there are essential strategies that will help you maintain momentum and enjoy the peace and joy that may be possible throughout the holidays. Here are 5 ingredients that will not only help you avoid relapse but also lead you through a more enjoyable holiday experience that moves your recovery progress forward.

                                                             Recipe for Recovery

1. Remain committed. Remember, while you may be on vacation from your work responsibilities, you are not on vacation from your values or your recovery work. Maintain your “Dailies” and self-care, so that you can stay on track emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Starting with morning inspiration and ending with healthy evening decompression will be especially important.
2. Stay connected. Whether the holidays represent joy or family chaos for you, it is common for extended family involvement to bring an assortment of feelings bubbling to the surface. Reaching out to recovery group members, friends, your spouse or partner, your accountability team, or a sponsor, can help you stay grounded rather than simply reverting to your childhood role and all of the emotions associated with it. Instead of reaching for more pumpkin pie or another “drug” of choice, reach out to someone in your support system, whether by phone, text, or face-to-face conversation. Crying out to God may also provide a place of solace and refuge.
3. Avoid black & white thinking. Just because you may enjoy some special treats over the holidays does not mean all of your goals must be discarded. Excess is not your friend. Staying up all night, stuffing yourself silly (repeatedly), obsessive spending, etc, will make you vulnerable to forgetting your “bottom lines”, boundaries, and values. This kind of living will leave you feeling tired, lazy, and uncommitted, all of which are dangerous mentalities for those in recovery. When you make a poor choice, forgive yourself, and recommit. Stewing in your shame is counterproductive.
4. Be mindful. With new environments come new temptations. Be aware and be wise. You know your triggers. While it is important to maintain an awareness, or mindfulness, of your surroundings, it does not need to become an obsession. In fact, it may be helpful to focus on positive, enjoyable experiences rather than thinking about avoiding all the things you know you “shouldn’t” have.
5. Have fun! While all of the previous recommendations are important, they do not mean you are expected to have a boring, uneventful experience. That kind of vacation is a setup for relapse. If you deprive yourself of fun, you will likely eventually seek out excitement in self-destructive ways. Recovery can be a time of learning, maybe for the first time, how to enjoy and live freely without the “drug” you once depended on. Find creative ways to enjoy yourself, relax, laugh, and savor life and time with those you love.

Staying focused over the holidays will require effort. While it may initially feel bothersome to implement the above strategies, it will actually help you experience a freer holiday season. How can this be true, you might ask? Rather than seeing these suggestions as duties, consider them keys to freedom. They provide the structure that will free you from the slavery of addiction. Keeping in mind the purpose of these strategies and your reasons for staying committed will help you remain on track in implementing them. Being proactive in this way can help you finish your holiday break feeling rested, refreshed, healthy, on track, and proud of your progress.

Written ByForest BenedictM.A., Certified Sexual Addictions Treatment Provider (SATP-C), MFT Intern

The Amends Process in the 12 Steps

There is great disagreement in the recovery community about the best path to follow when we have wronged another.

In an effort to avoid the discomfort of direct amends, there will be those who claim that “living amends” is more important than acknowledging the specific nature of our wrongs. Living amends are certainly important because there can be no lasting change without them, but they cannot take the place of telling the exact nature of the truth, if that is possible. All too often, “living amends” become a way of hiding from the truth of our wrong.

Even more significant is that when living amends are the only form of amends used, it is very likely that old wrongs will eventually be repeated. If we are unwilling to explicitly acknowledge our wrongs, it is not likely that we will ever really examine how it was that we came to harm others to begin with.

If we do not understand precisely how our wrongs came to be, then it will be difficult – if not impossible – to develop a clear plan for change that says more than: “I am sorry and I hope I never do that again.”

We wholeheartedly believe that saying “I’m Sorry” ≠ amends. There is so much more than lip service that needs to be implemented. There needs to be a plan for not repeating the hurt next time. In recovery circles that process is developed utilizing the 6th and 7th steps.

We all make mistakes. Whether our partner commits the wrong or we do, there is only a lesson to learn from our mistakes if we are willing to examine the defects of character that gave rise to the wrong. The 6th and 7th steps of the 12-Steps are designed to specifically acknowledge and rehabilitate those defects.

Many in the recovering community become disenchanted with the process of recovery and loose hope when they continue to make the same mistakes. First and foremost it is important that we remember that our goal is progress and not perfection. Next, it is crucial that if we are to make any progress we must begin to understand the truth about our wrongful behavior. It is not enough to say, “I am sorry and I am going to live differently” if we are making no attempt to learn from our mistakes and implement the changes needed to not do it again.

That is why Steps 6 and 7 precede the amends process of the 8th and 9th steps in the 12 Step process. If we do not develop an understanding of the function of our behavior and then process that insight through the 6th and 7th Steps, we will begin to feel hopeless. We have seen this truth in our clients over and over again. Many may enjoy long term sobriety but so often they have forgotten steps 6 and 7 – and they remain unsatisfied.

Please share with our readers how you have undertaken or recommended that others complete the often forgotten 6th and 7th Steps. Also, what is the benefit that you have seen from purposeful work on the replacement of one’s defects of character with healthy and sober coping strategies?

 

This article was written by John & Elaine Leadem

What is it like to be a Sex Addict?

For many under-informed folks, a kneejerk reaction to the phrase “sex addiction” is for them to say something along the lines of, “Now that’s an addiction I’d like to have. Where do I sign up?” In reality, however, sexual addiction is not nearly as much fun as it sounds. Try thinking of it this way: drinking and even getting drunk on occasion can be perfectly enjoyable and lovely if you are not an alcoholic, but deadly if you are; in the same way, casual and/or intimate sex can be a whole lot of fun, as long as you’re not a sex addict. In other words, if you are a sex addict, then casual, meaningless, objectified sex with others and even image-driven sexual fantasy can quickly result in relationship loss, shared diseases, emotional instability, job and career loss, depression, isolation, and more.

Like other addicts, sex addicts compulsively engage in their addictive behavior even when the activity is no longer enjoyable, is ruining their life, and they’d very much like to stop. Typically, sex addicts experience all sorts of guilt, shame, and remorse about their behavior. They then seek to self-medicate this emotional discomfort by engaging in more of the same troublesome, addictive sexual activity or by using other forms of escape like drugs, gambling, video gaming, eating, spending, and the like. The cycle of addiction is for sex addicts, like all addicts, a vicious, demoralizing, and self-perpetuating spiral from which there is no escape without surrender and outside assistance.

Behaviors commonly engaged in by sex addicts include (but are not limited to):

• Compulsive viewing of pornography, with or without masturbation
• Compulsive masturbation, with or without pornography
• Compulsive use of “dating” websites and “adult friend finder” apps as a way to hook up for sex
• Consistently being “on the hunt,” always on the lookout for sexual intrigue
• Multiple affairs and brief, serial relationships
• Consistent involvement with strip clubs, adult bookstores, and other sex-focused environments
• Repeatedly engaging in prostitution (hiring or providing) and/or sensual massage
• A consistent pattern of anonymous/casual sexual hookups
• Repeatedly engaging in unprotected sex
• Seeking sexual experiences without regard to immediate or long-term potential consequences
• A pattern of “nuisance” sexual offenses such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, frotteurism, and the like

When sex addicts fantasize about, prepare for, and engage in these and/or other sexual activities they use fantasy and euphoric recall to induce a highly emotionally charged neurochemical intensity. Sex addicts often describe this as feeling like they’re “in a bubble” or “in a trance.” Remaining in this trance-like state of arousal and disconnection for an extended period is the sex addict’s true (albeit unconscious) goal, more so than the sex act itself. Essentially, sex addicts create and use a neurochemical sexual high to detach and dissociate from depression, anxiety, and other uncomfortable emotions and life stressors. This is very similar to gambling addicts who consistently “find themselves” in casinos or wagering online; they don’t know how they got there, and they lose track of time and the real world while they’re there. Escaping into this type of hyper-emotional-arousal offers sex addicts a controllable form of escape, similar to the effect alcoholics and drug addicts get when they drink and use. And just as most drug addicts get “high” long before they actually ingest a drug – experiencing neurochemical excitement and dissociation caused by the pleasure of looking for and finding drugs, getting the money to pay for drugs, going to the dealer to buy the drugs, and the rest of the pre-use process – sex addicts get high more on the on the idea and anticipation of their sexual conquests than the conquests themselves. And sex addicts can remain in this elevated neurochemical state for many hours, sometimes even days at a time.

For sex addicts, compulsive, eventually self-destructive sexual acting out takes place regardless of outward success, physical attractiveness, intelligence, and even existing intimate (or at least sexual) relationships. Very often sex addicts, usually in response to a specific negative consequence that their behavior has caused (threat of divorce, trouble at work, arrest) will tell themselves, “That was the last time I am ever going to…,” yet soon enough they return to the same destructive sexual activity. They simply can’t stop, even though the behavior is destroying their life and often the lives of those they love. Sometimes their sexual activity escalates to the point where it goes against their moral beliefs and ethical values, and they step over lines they never thought they’d cross. Because of this, sex addicts typically find themselves leading shame-based, intensely secretive double-lives, hiding their sexual fantasies and behaviors from family, friends, coworkers, and anyone else close to them.

Over time, sex addicts experience:

• Loss of control over sexual thoughts and behaviors
• Escalation in the frequency and intensity of sexual thoughts and behaviors
• Increasing amounts of time lost to sexual fantasies, rituals, and behaviors
• Decreased interest in other, previously enjoyable activities (hobbies, work, time with family, developing healthy relationships, etc.)
• Irritability, defensiveness, and anger when confronted about or when attempting to stop sexual thoughts and behaviors
• Directly related negative consequences (relationship, emotional, physical, financial, legal, etc.)

The simple truth is that for sex addicts, sex is less about the pleasurable act of being physically intimate with another person and more about using the hunt and search for sex as a form of emotional and psychological escape. Because of this, sex addicts often attempt to prolong the bubble/trance experience by postponing the sex act for as long as possible. After all, orgasm ends the fantasy-fueled arousal cycle, killing the neurochemical high and forcing the addict to re-engage with life on life’s terms, which is what they are trying to avoid in the first place.

 From:

Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health. 

Study: Teenage boys addicted to 'extreme' porn and want help

Exclusive: Young boys are becoming so addicted to extreme internet porn that they now want help to stop watching it, according to a new study.

A fifth of boys aged between 16 and 20 told the University of East London they were “dependent on porn as a stimulant for real sex”. The online sexual imagery study surveyed 177 students and found 97 per cent of the boys had viewed porn. Of those, 23 per cent said they tried to stop watching it but could not, while 13 per cent reported the content they watch has “become more and more extreme”.

Seven per cent said they wanted professional help because they felt their porn habit was getting out of control.

Most said they had lost relationships, neglected partners, and cut down on their social lives as a result of their behavioural addiction.

Dr Amanda Roberts, a psychology lecturer at the university who created the study, exclusively seen by Telegraph Wonder Women, said: “About a quarter of young boys have tried to stop using it and can’t, which means there’s definitely problematic porn use within this group.

“It’s because there’s more and more exposure of porn and it’s excessive; it’s everywhere.”

She said the results were “worrying” and spoke about the effects it is having on the young boys: “I think it’s the really extreme hard-core material that is going to be quite damaging to children.

“It is also damaging to their self esteem, because they don’t look like that, and they then expect girls to look and act like porn stars.

“They feel inadequate, and most said they felt confused and angry because they couldn’t stop.”

Professor Matt Field, adolescent addiction psychologist at University of Liverpool, added: “Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to developing addictions and that’s because of how their brains are developing.”

He explained that humans have a ‘reward centre’ in the brain which develops quickly in adolescents and makes them sensitive to pleasure-inducing temptations such as porn.

But the part of the brain that is responsible for self-control does not mature until an adult is in their mid-twenties, making it harder for adolescents to suppress their urges.

Dr Roberts added: “To become an addict, you have to have a propensity to addiction first but they are all so exposed to it, which makes it so much worse.

“Porn is still one of the most looked up words on the internet. Before it was DVDs and magazines or soft-core websites, but now it’s all very hard-core and it’s free online.”

The study also found 80 per cent of girls aged 16-20 had seen porn.

Out of those, eight per cent felt they could not stop watching it, while 10 per cent said the content they watch has become more extreme.

While boys watched it mainly for pleasure, girls watched porn out of curiosity or for discovery learning.

The research comes after an NSPCC study, commissioned by The Daily Telegraph, showed a third of school pupils believe online pornography dictates how young people have to behave in a relationship.

The Telegraph Wonder Women’s Better Sex Education campaign, which launched last month, has highlighted how children are being pressurised into inappropriate sexual behaviour by internet pornography, and called for sex education in schools to be modernised.

David Cameron, the Prime Minister, has already indicated his support for the Telegraph campaign but has yet to announce how the Government will introduce reforms.

Current classroom guidelines on sex education have not been updated since 2000, failing to recognise vast expansion of online pornography which has taken place in the last decade with the growth of broadband and mobile internet.

The 12-Steps for Sobers

October is National Substance Abuse Prevention Month.

Turns out, ALL of us: sober, addict, BREATHING beings, could really benefit from taking the personal inventory promoted by the 12-steps to recovery.  

I  didn't grow up in an environment where addiction ( was talked about so I wasn't familiar with the 12-Steps until I was I desperate for recovery and begin applying the 12- Steps in my on life. What I discovered is the 12-Steps is like having some church up in here.  And by "in here" I mean the front row of your SOUL. So, if you think the 12-Steps don't apply to you, you're wrong.  All of us are, or have been addicted to something.  It just doesn't necessarily have to be a physical substance. 

Other addictions include: 

1. Drama/Chaos
2. Gossiping
3. Negative thought patterns/ fear-based thinking
4. Overspending OR over-saving (constantly crunching)
5. Food
6. Work
7. Overachieving/ Constant Multitasking 
8. Materialism
9. Gambling/Risk taking
10. Sex/constant need of relationship companion
11. Avoidance (of issues, motivation, etc.)
12. Jealousy
13. Violence
14. Arrogance/vanity
15. Lying/Truth "bending"
16. Working out/sports
17. Cosmetic surgery
18. Power
19. Our prejudices
20. TV/cellphones/internet


And that's just the short-list version.

Think of one character default you which to shed.  It can be anything that doesn't serve you.  And apply the 12-steps to your action plan.  It truly is applicable AND beneficial to any feature we wish to shed. 

The Twelve Steps

1. I admit that I am powerless over (fill your addiction here)—that my life has become unmanageable. 
   
2. I believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. 
   
3. I make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. 
   
4. I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. 
   
5. I admit to God, to myself, and to another human beings the exact nature of my wrongs. 
   
6. I am entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of my character. 
   
7. I humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings. 
   
8. I have made a list of all persons I have harmed, and am willing to make amends to them all. 
   
9. I will make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 
   
10. I will continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong, will promptly admitted it. 
    
11. I seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out. 
    
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, I embody this message for others, and will practice these principles in all my affairs. 
    
    
    
    "The goal of spiritual practice is full recovery, and the only thing you need to recover from is a fractured sense of self." - Marianne Williamson
    
    
    
    

The New Teen Porn Culture

Witness Nancy Jo Sales’ disturbing “Friends Without Benefit” in September’s Vanity Fair. The article examines today’s sexting, Internet chat rooms and online hook-up sites for teenagers, “a world where boys are taught they have the right to expect everything from social submission to outright sex from their female peers.”

This is actually quite a polite way to describe the world our sons and daughters live in today. Vanity Fair interviews girls who describe masturbating for boys via Skype, one who makes a homemade porn video that ends up circulating via smartphones at her school, pick ups via SnapChat and Tindr, and the quaint cell phone text from a girl to the boy sitting next to her offering to give him a blow job after class.

It all starts with a virtual world, made all too vivid and interactive by today’s technologies. And my bad that I wrote that the world has gotten more complicated for girls. Boys are just as warped by today’s teen porn gone mainstream. Rampant tech sex, ironically, hurts everyone’s sexuality.

“If you’re between 8 and 18, you spend more than 11 hours a day plugged into an electronic device,” Sales explains. “The average American teen now spends nearly every waking moment on a smart phone or computer or watching TV. This seismic shift in how kids spend their time is having a profound effect on the way they make friends, the way they date, and their introduction to the world of sex.”

It’s the simultaneous intersection of the three most baffling, frightening, spit-out-your-coffee topics for most parents: teenagers, sex and technology. Together.

The facts are grim. Ninety-three percent of boys and 62 percent of girls have seen Internet porn before they turn 18, according to a 2008 study in CyberPsychology & Behavior. Eighty-three percent of boys and 57 percent of girls have seen group sex online. A “liberated” girl who imitates porn stars (think grinding and pole-dancing) is seen as the gold standard among certain groups of teenagers. But rather than finding sexual freedom and confidence in one’s attractiveness, this focus on near-anonymous, zero-intimacy sex exploits girls’ and boys’ sexuality and self esteem.

The question is: who is the mastermind behind today’s culture of everyday teen porn? Teenage boys? As I recall, teenage boys were not, collectively or individually, capable of mass domination of teenaged girls. They were barely in charge of their own erections. And, I as I pointed out, boys are corrupted here too.

So who is really to blame?

In Sales’ article, it’s the usual suspects. Shallow, materialistic, amoral celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Miley Cyrus. A culture that deifies blatant sexuality in women and girls as young as 11 or 12. Rampant, uncensored technology. Parents who aren’t being parents.

I wish I could offer a wise and effective solution. A nice pep talk you could deliver to your 13-year-old. A feel-good program we could implement in our schools.

Nothing so simple exists. No one -- and everyone-- is to blame. We are all at fault, every time we pick up a cell phone or check our FaceBook page.

The only way out, paradoxically, is a deep dive into our kids’ world. Horrifying, I know.

You’re going to need a tour guide, and only a teenager will do. It must be your own teenager. Doing this together, although excruciating for everyone, is the point.

Fess up and admit your ignorance. Profess curiosity. Explain how the world has changed since the olden days when we were teens and a sleepover dare was prank-calling the cute boy from history class.

Visit Tindr together. Ask your son or daughter, alone or along with their friends, to walk you through Facebook conversations and to show you a few provocative SnapChat photos. Discuss the pros and cons of sharing bodily fluids with some you met via a raunchy post online. Expect your face to turn bright red.

Talk, talk, talk. It’s not going to change anything. Your kids still have to navigate an Internet world that is disgusting, alien and anathema to many of us (and, fingers crossed, maybe it will be to them one day too). But perhaps we can make a few points that sink in about the folly of seeking lasting pleasure based on a naked selfie.

Parenting teenagers is equal parts giving them guidance and letting them go. The only part parents have any control over - and this has not changed in 30 years - is how we talk to our kids about sex, relationships, love and happiness, and how we model the same in our own live. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, even when it comes to teenagers, technology, and online porn disguised as the new sexuality. 

By Leslie Morgan Steiner on October 7, 2013

The “Talk” is Not Enough — Protecting our Children from Pornography Addiction

Pornography is everywhere.  Most people reading this article have a little device in their pocket right now that can download porn.  It’s in our homes, schools and work places.   For the most part it’s free.  Pornography is as addictive as methamphetamine, and equally destructive.   Yet because of the conveniences of technology we allow the possibility of it into our homes. Due to its affordability and accessibility we must change the way that we address the issue of healthy sexuality and pornography with our children.

Eleven years old is the average age of exposure to pornography. At 11 years old children have sexual feelings. Porn is exciting and enticing to a child, yet also shameful and confusing. What’s a child to do who stumbles onto pornography and has been taught that it’s so wrong, but experiences something so good? The last thing they want to do is talk to someone about it. It is critical that they can process and talk openly about their experience with someone safe and healthy. Monsters are much scarier in the dark. The longer the shame and secrecy persist the more damaging it will be. As parents it is our job to create an open loving environment where our children can bring such things to light.

It all starts with education. When we live in a state of ignorant bliss it’s dangerous for our children. If our children were going to get attacked by a hungry grizzly bear what would we do? We wouldn’t talk ourselves into the bear being much smaller than it actually is. Or pretend it’s not even there. We would fight with everything that we had to understand how to defeat that bear and protect our children. We must equip ourselves with the weapons to fight. This is done through education about pornography, addiction, and co-dependency. There are a growing number of resources including books, helpful websites, support groups, and professionals that are full of helpful information about the topic. Once we educate ourselves it’s much easier to address the problem and talk openly with confidence.

Open, honest, straight forward and ongoing dialogue about pornography and sex is essential. The “talk” that parents use to have with their children about sex is far inadequate to protect children in the current environment which we live. If we aren’t actively teaching and talking about pornography then a computer, magazine, or smart-phone probably is. Set aside some time regularly to discuss temptations, risky situations, and yes even mistakes or slips that they have made. Align yourself with them. Let them know that you are on their team fighting with them. Be curious not condescending. Be firm on your stance against it but open and loving in your response about fighting it. Ask them how they dealt with it? What have they learned? What support do they need? We can make our discussions age-appropriate but still communicate principles of support, openness, love and accountability.

We often hear about the importance of emergency preparedness and food storage. We are preparing ourselves for a disaster so that we can survive. Do the same thing with pornography. Exposure for the most part is imminent. It will happen. We must be prepared and proactive in teaching our children how to cope. A plan needs to be set in place. Who should they tell? What should they tell? What should they do in that situation? How can they remove themselves? Why is being honest about it so important? These questions need to be answered beforehand. Making a plan for pornography exposure is like that sack of wheat sitting in our cellar. We don’t know when we’ll use it but when needed it is invaluable.

Our homes need to be a safe haven. We need to remove temptations the best that we can and create an atmosphere where the spirit can dwell. Explicit movies, magazines, and books should not be in our homes. Filters on internet and an understanding of media use on i-pads and smart phones are important. Set rules and guidelines about where media can be used in the house and when. We should also do regular checking of histories and sites that have been visited. Use technology to fight, there are more and more applications and software that assist parents in safeguarding children. If we are going to allow the media outlets into our home then it is our responsibility that we do it safely. We need to do the best that we can to ensure safety where our children need it the most.

Lastly, we must get healthy ourselves in order to protect our children. Children of addicted parents are the highest risk group of children to become addicts themselves. Also, children of addicted parents exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety more than do children from non-addicted families. Taking care of our own problems and making sure that we are not struggling with addiction and/or co-dependency is taking care of our children. Our healthy sexuality is in large part theirs. We must be willing to break destructive patterns that have been handed down to us so that our children don’t inherit them. Once we are healthy ourselves then we can be the example and leader that they need.

The game has changed. One “talk” about sex with our children is like fighting Goliath with a water gun. We need to get equipped with the best weapons and tools to fight alongside our children. Education, open dialogue, prevention, a safe environment, and our own healthy behaviors are the tools that we can use to ultimately prevail and protect our children from pornography.

Are Political Sex Scandals Passé? The Weiner Test Case

They're Back!

Yes, that's former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner getting all the attention in the New York City mayoral race. Yes, that's former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer running for New York City comptroller. Yes, that's former U.S. Congressman and South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford once again sitting in the House of Representatives. And yes, that's Bill Clinton who's emerged as an emeritus force in the American political landscape.

So who's next? Should we expect to see Gary Hart, John Edwards, Pete Domenici, Herman Cain, Mark Souder, Larry Craig, Mark Foley and/or any of a hundred or so other politicians of note who've been caught with their pants down (both figuratively and literally) suddenly back in the limelight? In other words, has the "permanently ruinous political sex scandal" gone the way of the dodo bird?

Well, yeah, it pretty much has.

The Weiner Wangle

Let's take a look at one politician in particular, Anthony Weiner, since he's the one getting the most ink, tweets, and airplay these days. In case you've forgotten, Weiner is the former U.S. congressman who resigned from office in June 2011 after he was caught sending a series of digital sexts -- some of which were actually taken in the congressional gym's locker room -- to half a dozen (or more) women. According to Weiner, he'd been engaging in this type of behavior for about three years. And now he's admitted that his sexting activities continued even after his resignation from Congress.

In recent days I've spoken with numerous major media outlets about Weiner's latest revelation, and the basic question is always the same: Why did he continue with his inappropriate sexual behavior even after he was caught? The answer is simple: He might be a sex addict. Think about the gambler who tosses away his kid's college fund at a casino, gets confronted by his wife, and then takes out a loan the next day to gamble some more. Why does he do this? He does it because he's addicted to gambling. Think also about the drinker who gets thrown in jail for drunk driving and then, immediately after being released, heads to the liquor store. Why? Because that's what alcoholics do. The story is no different with Anthony Weiner, except his probable addiction is to sex rather than gambling or booze. The simple, sad truth is that even after they've been caught and are facing potentially severe consequences, addicts typically continue with their problematic behavioral patterns becausethat is how they cope with life. At best, being "found out" will drive someone with a self-destructive addictive disorder into treatment, where the lengthy and somewhat arduous process of eliminating compulsive behaviors can begin.

So is Weiner's recent revelation the death-knell for his political career? We'll have to wait and see. But let's face it, just two years after sneaking away with his tail between his legs, he's returned and become a mayoral frontrunner in our nation's largest city. And he's achieved this status without the support of the city's Democratic power brokers! That, in and of itself, is utterly amazing. Yes, this recent revelation will likely hurt his cause, but it's not likely to bump him from the race.

So how the heck has Weiner accomplished this remarkable comeback? Amazingly, he's used the same social media networks that led to his downfall. For instance, he announced his mayoral candidacy with an online video. In the video he is seen with his wife and new baby, looking more than a little bit domestic, apparently attempting to create the impression that he is "cured" of whatever it was that ailed him and everything is now just fine, perfectly normal, thank you for asking. His underlying message seems to be: My wife trusts me now, so you should too.

Rather interestingly, very few people seem willing to challenge him on this. He has stated that after his 2011 resignation, he spent three days at the Gabbard Center, an outpatient psychiatric evaluation facility specializing in the assessment of high-end professionals in crisis. The center's website lists "sexual disorders" as being among the major diagnostic groups it assesses. Nevertheless, he adamantly denies having an addictive or compulsive sexual disorder, despite the fact that his highly problematic sexual behavior continued for many months after first being discovered. Regardless of the diagnosis Weiner may or may not have received at Gabbard, a three-day evaluation hardly qualifies as "treatment" for a three-years-plus repetitive pattern of sexual misbehavior. An evaluation simply identifies the issues that need to be worked on and suggests a pathway for change -- no more, no less.

Sadly, Weiner's post-scandal behavior mirrors that of many of the powerful men (and women) we treat in sexual disorders programs. Nearly always these clients are neck-deep in denial about their actions. They create any number of rationalizations to justify their behaviors (in their own mind). Sure, they agree that anybody else engaging in the exact same behaviors would be crazy to do it, but somehow they see themselves as unique, different and entitled. And this sort of misguided thinking often continues even after they've been caught and scandalized, as they stubbornly tell themselves and others any number of lies to justify what they've done (and very often are continuing to do). In the biz, that's what we call DENIAL.

This misguided denial is what we all saw from Anthony Weiner two years ago, and it's what we are continuing to see today. "I'm a new man," he says, but somehow this doesn't ring true. In my professional experience, men and women whose sexual behavior leads them to crash and burn as badly as Weiner did nearly always need intensive residential treatment followed by long-term outpatient recovery, and that needs to occur in an addiction (rather than an analytic or family therapy) setting. This is especially true if the behavior that derailed the person continues after the initial crisis! At the very least, Anthony Weiner should have a solid understanding of the demons he is battling and the recommended path toward recovery. In this regard, he seems to have no clue. Instead, he has called his sexual acting out "a blind spot" that is "in the past."

Seen It, Bored Now

It appears that the American public has become desensitized to the political sex scandal. The more it happens, the less that people seem to care. In many ways this is part and parcel of the digital onslaught. Nowadays cable news stations, websites, Twitter feeds, Facebook, and the like provide an endless barrage of news -- much of it salacious in nature. People seem to require a constant array of "new and different," meaning that our collective memory and our ability to hold a grudge are greatly reduced. Once we were elephants, remembering everything, but nowadays we're gnats and fruit flies. The only reason any of these scandals has a shelf-life longer than a few days or weeks is that the media must sometimes wait for the next indignity to occur. Without something new to report, content-starved media mavens tend to rehash the old stuff in ever-more-titillating ways, even if the public no longer cares. Such is the case with this summer's "Weiner Roast."

There also seems to be a growing realization, with so many people living such large chunks of their lives in the online (hence, public) universe, that the only reason most of us are not in the news like Weiner, Spitzer, Sanford, Clinton and the like is that we're not as famous as they are. In other words, we're beginning to understand that almost everyone engages in regrettable behavior at least occasionally, so judge not lest ye be judged. Or whatever. Basically, if we have jobs and health insurance and the schools are open and taxes aren't too high, we seem to be relatively willing to overlook whatever it is our elected officials are doing between the sheets.

So can politicians do whatever they damn well please and get away with it these days? Probably not. Infidelity seems to no longer be a big deal, even with prostitutes. An abuse of power, however, such as Nevada Sen. John Ensign's affair with an aide, still draws quite a bit of public ire, as does dallying with someone who is underage or a member of the same sex (especially if the politician's power base is conservative).

That said, it seems like almost anyone can make a credible comeback these days. The formula seems to be: acknowledge your mistake (but not that you might have an ongoing problem), insist that your issues are in the past, get your wife or minister to corroborate this, and then take advantage of the name recognition you earned in the midst of your ignominy. And this recipe really does work! In fact, one study of post-Watergate congressional scandals found that nearly three-quarters of the disgraced politicians who decided to run for office again survived their primary, and of those who made it to the general election, 81 percent won.

So here we are. Sanford is back in office, Clinton is a respected elder statesman, and both Weiner and Spitzer have pulled a Stella and gotten their New York groove back. Essentially, it appears that we no longer care all that much about the sexual peccadilloes of our elected representatives. To be honest, I think it's pretty cool that America has gotten a lot more forgiving lately, but can we really trust these guys with our political well-being? Only time will tell.

Understanding “Triggers” for Addiction

Addiction Rewires the Brain
One of the questions most commonly asked by addicts and their families is: Why is it so darn hard to stay sober? To understand the answer to this question, it helps to have a basic understanding of how addiction rewires to the human brain. For simplicity’s sake I’ll use drug addiction as the basis of this discussion, but the same rewiring occurs with all forms of addiction, including behavioral addictions (sex addiction, compulsive gambling, food addiction, compulsive spending, etc.).
Essentially, in a normal, healthy brain the nucleus accumbens, also known as the “rewards center,” registers pleasurable feelings in response to naturally occurring, life-affirming stimuli (eating, sexual attraction, etc.) These activities are rewarded with feelings of enjoyment because they ensure survival of the individual and the species. This is intelligent design at its finest. These sensations of pleasure are caused primarily by the release of neurotransmitters (neurochemicals that carry messages in the brain) such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin (mostly dopamine). The rewards center then communicates with other areas of the brain, including the centers involved in decision-making, memory, and mood, telling these areas how much it enjoyed eating, being sexual, etc. In this way human beings “learn” which things are pleasurable. We associate these activities with a sense of wellbeing, and we make future decisions based on this information.
Unfortunately, the rewards center can be manipulated. For instance, addictive drugs can artificially stimulate the system by flooding the brain with dopamine – anywhere from two to ten times the dopamine provided by natural stimuli (food, sex, etc.) That’s a pretty big blast of pleasure juice! And, as is the case with natural stimuli, this enjoyment-related information is transmitted to areas of the brain dealing with memory, mood, and decision-making. In this way we “learn” that taking drugs gives us a great big jolt of pleasure.
However, the brain is built to adapt to the input it receives. Over time, it adjusts to the excessive dopamine levels caused by continued drug use by producing less dopamine and/or eliminating dopamine receptors. Nevertheless, the brain remembers the pleasure it once got from drug use, and it continues to encourage use. So liking drugs turns intowanting drugs, and compulsion takes over. In other words, the brain hardwires itself for addiction. Drugs no longer provide the level of pleasure they once did, but the individual nevertheless feels compelled to continue using.
Triggers and Cravings and Relapse, Oh My!
After a brain is hardwired for addiction, “triggers” come into play. Triggers are the thoughts and feelings that induce drug cravings. If an addict can learn to identify triggers and stop them in their tracks –before they induce the phenomenon of craving – that person has a chance to stay sober, despite being triggered. It should be noted here that drug cravings are not the same as a non-addicted person craving a bag of potato chips or a scoop of ice-cream after a hard day at work. Drug cravings are more like the need for air after holding your breath for a minute or more. In other words, drug cravings, once they set in, are beyond conscious control. They escape reason and logic. They are so powerful that they simply overwhelm and take control of an individual’s thought process. When drug cravings set in, it is very, very difficult to stop the addictive cycle.
Unfortunately, anything that triggers the brain to remember the (long-lost) pleasure of using drugs is a potential precursor for cravings and relapse. This means that almost anything – items both internal and external – can be a trigger. Internal triggers typically involve uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anxiety, shame, anger, fear, guilt, remorse, etc. External triggers can be people, places, things, and events. For instance, seeing an old using buddy is almost certain to trigger a desire to pick up, as is driving past a dealer’s hangout. For some addicts, something as seemingly benign as a discarded soda can may be a trigger – reminding addicts that they used to modify old cans into pipes for smoking drugs. Fighting with one’s spouse or being reprimanded at work can also be a trigger. It is important to note that not all triggers are negative in nature. Sometimes material successes and positive emotions evoke the desire to party – i.e., the desire to use.
Sadly, triggers are unavoidable. Think about alcoholics driving past billboard ads for beer, scotch, and vodka. Think about drug addicts watching television crime dramas where the “perps” are selling or using drugs. Think about any addict at all dealing with the rollercoaster of life and the emotions it induces. The worst part is that in the early stages of sobriety, when an addict is most vulnerable to relapse, the addict’s visceral response to the various emotional and textual cues that trigger cravings gets stronger rather than weaker, meaning that it’s actually harder to not pick up at thirty days than it is at three days. Compounding this is the fact that underlying (formerly self-medicated) psychological issues like anxiety and depression are likely to assert more and more as time away from drug use increases. In fact, studies show that triggers and underlying issues are at their peak when addicts are between thirty and ninety days clean. Happily, after ninety days the odds of long-term abstinence begin to increase, and after a year the odds of lasting sobriety are actually quite good. Thus, it is very important to teach recovering addicts, as quickly as possible, ways in which they can identify and counteract their triggers.
Changing It Up
The good news is that our neural systems are resilient and adaptable, and the overwhelming majority of addicts can expect their brain functioning to eventually improve to near-baseline, as long as they stay clean. The trick, then, is helping addicts to stay clean for the year to 18 months their brains need to normalize – which means breaking through denial, identifying triggers, and developing healthy coping mechanisms as quickly as possible. The most effective therapeutic modalities for these steps are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), group therapy, and 12-step recovery meetings.
CBT differs significantly from traditional talk therapy (looking at how past trauma affects the present), taking instead a more directive, here-and-now approach. With CBT, therapists and addicts look at the people, places, and things that trigger and reinforce the cravings that drive addiction. Then they identify ways in which addicts can short-circuit the process. In other words, addicts are taught to recognize their triggers and to interrupt the addictive cycle early on by thinking about and/or doing something else. Instead of obsessing about when/where/how to score a fix, addicts learn to engage in other, healthier behaviors like going to a sobriety-focused support group, cleaning the house, reading a book, spending time with family, exercising, etc.
Group therapy is used to reinforce this process. In these therapist-facilitated settings addicts are able to see that their disease in not unique, that others have done the same things they’ve done, and that they’ve even used similar justifications. This alone helps to reduce the guilt and shame that both trigger and result from the addictive cycle. Furthermore, as addicts talk about their past drug use in group sessions a wide variety of triggers is illuminated. Addicts are then able to discuss, on a group level, how to effectively counteract those triggers. Over time they are able to share with each other, based on personal experience, which interventions work and which don’t.
A similar form of group learning occurs in 12-step meetings. Interestingly, AA and other 12-step programs learned how to counter addiction triggers long before the scientific and therapeutic communities figured it out. Basically, in 12-step meetings group members share their “experience, strength, and hope.” In so doing they create a perfect venue for combating both internal and external triggers. Essentially, as one member of the group shares, others vicariously experience the emotional or contextual triggers the speaker is talking about, and thenthey do not act on those triggers. As this repeatedly occurs, many triggers lose their power, making them much less likely to cause cravings and relapse.
That said, no addict ever has his or her problem licked. Addiction is a chronic, lifelong disease. Yes, the brain does normalize to a large extent over time, but addicts are forever vulnerable to relapse. As the power of some triggers abates, new ones arise to take their place. Thus, recovery is an ongoing process that can never be abandoned, just as recovery from other chronic problems like diabetes and heart disease can never safely be abandoned. As such, many recovering addicts, even those with long-term sobriety, require, in addition to regular attendance at 12-step meetings, some form “maintenance therapy” that keeps them on top of their disease in terms of recognizing and combating their triggers. Usually an addiction-focused weekly group is the most effective setting for this.
Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health. A licensed UCLA MSW graduate and personal trainee of Dr. Patrick Carnes, he has developedclinical programs for The Ranch in Nunnelly, Tennessee, Promises Treatment Centers in Malibu, and The Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles. Mr. Weiss has also provided clinical multi-addiction training and behavioral health program development for the US military and numerous other treatment centers throughout the United States, Europe, and Asia.

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    Last reviewed: 23 Jul 2013

APA Reference
Weiss LCSW, R. (2013). Understanding “Triggers” for Addiction. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 25, 2013, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2013/07/understanding-triggers-for-addiction/